Oh what a day,
To live as we are living,
Oh what a day,
To be as we are here,
Oh what a day,
To see what we are seeing,
Oh what a day,
To shed a lonesome tear,
And oh what a day, this day, this day of beauty,
And oh what a day to have it as we do,
Yet nought of my fear, my fear at what I’m doing,
Has ever marred the sight, the sight, my love, that’s you,
And even though I know, my heart is surely aching,
Even though I have, but moments left to spare,
Neither will I tremble, nor see my hands are shaking,
Neither will I give up hope, nor say I’m without care.
Comments
Oh what a day
What to Say
Oh what a day…
Has been used seven times
In such brief poem,
I wonder what to say,
It’s been somewhat,
What a day today...
Friends have left
Neopoet,
Some other one does say
Your poetry is not just to rhyme
Your imitable way,
Come join my class
Even though I know not,
When what to say
A breath or breathe,
An engine tune or tine
I am at a loss today,
But permit me to say,
What a day
Twas today…
:)
Thank you, Loved. My wonderfully free-verse friend!
And I hope but today treats you even more than that of yesterday
Waldo
With your good wishes
At hand,
Many will now beside me stand
As the unknown poet
Does now hold my hand
Free verse only intelligent folks
Can and do understand.
hello
I enjoyed the read. See nothing to crit.But then again, I'm one tired dude at the moment lol..............scribbler
Hehehe:)
Well, hopefully you're sleeping right now, man! But thanks.
And stop burning the midnight oil! We might not have that much fossil fuel left, remember?
Back after rest
I guess if we run out of fossil fuel, we can always burn old fossils like me lol. I really enjoyed this and did not miss the joy of a new day displayed. I only have 2 ideas for you to consider :
l-10 delete oh might help flow
l-12 the sight, the sight back to back seems a bit awkward to me. Maybe something like: Has ever marred the sight my love, the sight of such as you
just a couple of alternatives...............scribbler
You can't be THAT old!
Haha! But, regardless, some things to consider here. And Oh #9, huh? I'll check it out, but I can't make any promises.
It'd be so much easier if I could write musical score, and show you how I read it. *Sigh*, the flaws of language, I suppose...
Thanks Scribbler
Yours
Waldo
hi
would probably help if my comment had been checked for TYPOS lol.
Waldo, I read this poem only
Waldo, I read this poem only once..........but sang it many times.
Don't want to critique. I liked this one.
Regards
Ayaz
Thank you, Ayaz
And believe me, I didn't really want to critique your poem as such, either. I was merely forcing myself to do so, if I'm honest. Trying to better myself. But I like your way of saying things, and I'm glad you like mine.
Yours
Waldo
Guys ...
If you like a poem it is all the more reason to
offer a solid critique ... not my problem with this
poem, I don't like it at all, seems pretentious to me
as well as lacking in any sort of rhythm or cadence
I can find ... in other words, it doesn't even sound good
when read aloud, and it's filled with cheap repetition that
in no way helps this short piece.
Just my raw truth Waldo, I think you have potential, find
something real and write about it, make us feel it.
Richard
Ummm...
...well, thank you, I guess. It is honest.
Waldo
Waldo
I wish to come back to this as my hand and back are hurting but I read this more of a song and would love to hear you sing it and play that guitar. These are lyrics am I correct?? Will come back to offer up any suggests just the same I sang it just as Ayaz did
Love to you guy
Mona
Well...
In my mind it does have the cadence of a song, but it was actually just more of a fun collection of words that came to mind. It does obviously have a meaning to me, but I didn't intend it to ever be serious.
So, not really a song. Though I suppose it could be. And, after all, it's whatever you want it to be:)
Yours
Waldo
P.s. Still busy learning the guitar, and experimenting with some song-writing. so give me some time on that one! Hahaha!