raj

Apr 02, 2015

Oh Lord, have Mercy on Me

From this sea of humanity
when I would seek tranquility
Oh Lord, please have Mercy on me
I pray to be a humble bee

While I flirt around maiden heads
singing songs of your divine grace
to sip their nectar in sheer glee
I pray to be a humble bee

Gliding merry in wind and rain
to scatter potent pollen grain
Oh Lord please have mercy on me
I pray to be a humble bee

Looking up to my next abode
in search of the immortal code
to be what i would love to be
I pray to be a humble bee

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

you should enter this Raj

It is a really good kyrielle - fits the stipulations

I don't understand why you keep putting yourself down as per your 'last few words'... but I have to tell you that I think it is getting silly, and you need to stop. The fact that you have written a kyrielle, then say what you did, brings out feelings, in me, of impatience with you.

love judy
xxx

Judyanne

Thanks for your time and read. Last few words deleted.

Regards,

You are an excellent poet you know.

You constantly degrade yourself to no end. You ARE one the "elite" poets at NeoPoet. Your poems receive a healthy dose of attention (no talent poets don't get that), your critiques are taken seriously (no talent poets are not) and your involvement in workshops is always welcome.
I am not impatient with you but I do wish you the piece of mind in knowing these things and wish you were able to stop tearing the poet apart.
He is a precious thing.

Hi Raj

this was a shear delight to read - I loved the subject and the flow. I thought it very imaginative. :)

Second stanza, first two verses didn't rhyme ( ignore, of course, if you intended it that way )

Love to you :)

Mand xxxx

Mand

Thanks for the read and your time.

Regards,

u must say

OH Lord have mercy on all of us
as we all behave so muchleee....

Thanks Lovedly for your time

Thanks Lovedly for your time and read

Regards,

raj

This could win the April contest, it is great,
Yours Ian

Thanks Ian for your time and

Thanks Ian for your time and read. I am not participating in the contest

Regards,

raj

Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Yours Ian.

Raj

to me this is sublime. I agree with everyone here. You're one of the strong poets here and I wouldn't have improved much without your aid and reading your poems. Don't think you're a lesser poet, you are very good in imagery and your works have inspired me to continue to think out of the box to find more variety in my theme selection for my works. I'm still not good in imagery and I wished I have half of your talent in it, my friend. Believe in yourself.

Alid

Thanks Alid for your time,

Thanks Alid for your time, read and comment

Regards,

Well done raj

Have you intentionally used the refrain on the third line, Stanza 1?

Thanks Rula for your time and

Thanks Rula for your time and read.

As for refrain, this is not for any contest

Regards,

Dear Raj

This is a beautifully brilliant write I hope you entered it in the comp its up there with your best work

So happy I found this tonight I needed something to calm my mind

Love and biggest hugs Jayne x

Thanks again Jayne. Very nice

Thanks again Jayne. Very nice of you to bring this one up in stream with your appreciative comment...I had forgotten about this one really...your comment brought on a smile...

much love and warm hugs...be well...