as sepia memories exsanguinate
desolation implodes
and copper spasms overwhelm emptiness
with a little guts, magenta wrists -
allow the pain to be washed
in the shade of sorrow
as past gets longer, future shortens
but tears bring release
for now ...
.
Comments
Well that's,
Well that's a relief, sorry just read your notes :). Very dark place this comes from, and yes most people will look back and feel they missed something. But we must live in the present that's what i feel, write about the future and the past, but live for now. You never know what tomorrow holds, but it could be brilliant just the same. This is poetry, raw and intensely good. Regards Roscoe...
thanks roscoe
a little attempt at something different for me
glad that you thought it ok
love judy
xxx
lol eph
you been checking my bin or somethin'?
how else would you know 'bout my gin consumption?
i'm not impressed that you've now let it out
why don’t you just get on the roof and shout it?
...and what's this about this there egg on your face?
it’s yellow is it not your grace?
lol hugs … judd xxx
Judy
The long words in the opening stanza Camouflaging the story some what from the readers. Excellently done though may have worried some lol.
Not sure if this way of doing things takes strength or just a mind giving up.
It is so hard to imagine or go there and I only wish that whoever does this could have a built in phone line to help apart from the odd God that someone else has told them is there for them,
Yours Ian.T
Exsanguination (also known colloquially as bleeding out) is the fatal process of
hypovolemia (blood loss), to a degree sufficient to cause death.
thanks ian for your thoughts
i think everybody gets to a stage at one or other time in their life of saying 'if i had the guts' ... else i couldn't have written this without SOME understanding .... but as my poem says,,, tears cleanse ... for now.... so that is really as far as i can take it within my own knowledge ... so,
never really having been far enough depressed to REALLY want to do it... i don't know either re the needing 'guts' or ...
i just know it must be an even blacker place than to where i have been at times... and where i have been has been black enough thank you....
and i've heard some very sad stories as to why people have taken their lives... they see a problem as insurmountable - if only we could learn to live with the understanding that everything passes...
enough waffle - thanks ian - this was a foray into something new for me .... different to my normal pollyanna/mary poppins stuff :) i'm glad you found it ok
love judy xxx
Judy
Now more than ever I cry for those that are having a hard time where they cannot cope.
I only wish we could send all of them someone they trust and can talk to, and even that may not solve the problems.
I luckily have had a wonderful life and realised that any problems I have had are of my own making no matter what.
I am responsible for me and all that goes on in this frame, but that still can be attacked by the simplest of things.
My Kingdom for the sake of a nail springs to mind.
You take care of you as you are the most precious person to those around you that you will ever meet, Yours with my thoughts always, Ian xx
Dear Judy,
You scared me! It reads like someone planing out their own demise. Someone who is very tired and seen too much of the world. Never the less, I very much liked these lines:
with a little guts, magenta wrists -
allow the pain to be washed
in the shade of sorrow
as past gets longer, future shortens ...
tears bring release
… for now
love, Cat
dearest cat
thank you so very much for the wonderful comment
love and hugs
judy xxx
ps come join stan's rhyme workshop - it will be uncomplicated and fun...
I'm glad I read "dysphoria" before this,
this was just a stepping stone. I can see an experiment.
I think you already know how this works and fails. Superb word choice but reads a bit like a list of superb word choices. Lacks an emotional and structural coherency.
yes - on fresh read
a couple of changes help i think
thanks jess
xxx
good changes
but I have a personal thing about ellipses, a sign not of emotional continuation but an inability to find the next word.
Often euphemistic, like Jean Genet's "and so on and so on" which always meant he had turned himself on so much by his writing he had to stop and masturbate. Kind of the opposite in this case.
So the ending could be stronger. Maybe something to the effect that the pain replaces my tears, you see where I'm going?
It would be more honest contextually.
better?
thanks jess
xxx
better. For now...
and I look forward to you getting even deeper and darker. I feel it in you, it's not just wrting exercises, there is something there that needs to be said.