Not now not ever

The way you looked at me made everything make sense
You held a grasp on me, a grasp I longed to keep
A grasp that hit me with something far too deep
I couldn’t comprehend it, the way I felt for you
It was real and far too true

I had a dream last night
I felt the warmth and bitter sweetness of your voice
The cadence spoke to me and maybe only me but it was my choice
To love you the way I did and for me to be so thoughtful
You didn’t deserve it, no
You didn’t deserve my affection
Not now not ever

That hold kept me near
It kept me living in so much fear
That you may leave my side the day you die withholding so much dear sympathy
You didn’t deserve it, no
Never have and never will appreciate what I did for you
Not now not ever

You used me like a tool
You used me like I was a fool for your ways
I thought we were kindred spirits
Worshiping you, kissing your feet, polishing your silverware
You weren’t the man I thought you were
Just a boy, a little boy who deserved all the lies coming his way
He told more stories then a villain, plotting against the world

What were you thinking?
It wasn’t like I ever hurt you
I always kept your interests at heart
What motivated this?
Did you even think about my feelings?
Of course you didn’t
But you didn’t deserve my affection, no
Not now not ever

You left me as stranded as a stray dog looking for the designated home
You were my home, my happiness, and my escape
Leave your dirty games at home and leave it until dust falls and the world crumbles
Because I will never come back, not now not ever
Take it or leave it because I was the one you left cold
Breathing in the toxic air you left and never taking it elsewhere
But not anymore, because you didn’t deserve my empathy
Not now, not ever.