Blue-eyed Bolla
Blue-eyed Bolla
Apr 18, 2023

Nikita, Little Star

You burnt too briefly, little star,
shooting from a land so far.
Like a breath of spring you came;
Nikita was your lovely name.

And gentle child, we loved you so;
it broke our hearts to let you go.
And on the day you sadly slept,
so many bitter tears we wept.

Your small, sweet soul, without a sound,
sailed silently, for heaven bound,
where sinless souls of babies dream
and little stars do glow and gleam.

Pretending, as if hearts don't break;
we lived, but questioned why they’d take
our angel, beautiful at birth;
your beauty would have blessed the earth!

We asked, if you had lived and learned
and like a supernova burned;
if God had said, “on earth remain.”
(such musings, now, we know are vain)

because your ties, with earth, were slight.
For you were heaven’s dear delight!
And when your angel wings did grow,
you went where holy angels go!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I was asked to pen a few lines for a friend's granddaughter, she was still-born. I came up with these poor rhymes and he (the grandfather) framed it for the baby's parents.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Buxton, Derbyshire., GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Nikita, Little Star" explores the grief and heartbreak of losing a child, specifically a little girl named Nikita. The language is simple and straightforward, with a focus on the emotions of the speaker and their attempt to find comfort in the idea that Nikita is now in heaven. The use of the metaphor of a star burning brightly but briefly is effective in conveying the idea of a life cut short. The repetition of the word "little" emphasizes the childlike innocence and vulnerability of Nikita. The poem's tone is mournful but ultimately hopeful, with the speaker finding solace in the belief that their child is now in a better place.

One line edit suggestion: "Your small, sweet soul, without a sound" could be revised to "Your small, sweet soul, now unbound" to enhance the metaphor of Nikita's soul ascending to heaven.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Alex Tanner

Hello. This I can relate to having suffered a similar loss many years ago. We get on with life but the heartache is always there.
I also wrote words, that I hoped may bring some comfort. You may care to read 'Sophie's Legacy' and know you are not alone in grief. Alex

Geezer

to be extremely poignant and think it a beautiful piece to honor the little angel. I agree that the line should say [now unbound].
~ Geez.
.