Spider like we walk through dreams – where shadows talk or so it seems.
With tear filled eye and twisted grin – we watch our yesterday’s crawl in.
Then someone speaks was it a scream – for something gone and yet unseen.
Continue down a road of glass – as cracks appear is it the past.
A friendly wave a quick hello – I turn around where did they go.
And now the rain so flat and warm – upon the curtain ripped and torn.
Small glowing embers on the fire – just cast familiar shadows higher.
Quick wake me for if sleep I must – release me from this phantom’s trust.
Talk not of echoes lurking near – there are no bitter memories here.
I’m dreaming, dreaming yes I am – I must escape I know I can.
Like laughter vacuumed from the floor – I’ll stay inside my dreams some more.
Come join me in this nightmare place – for in its depths I glimpse your face.
Now lightning thunder storm arrives – inside my bubble hell survives.
As forgotten boats beneath the sea – find their resting place tranquillity.
A bitter cry yet sweeter still – with so much lonely time to fil.l
Inside a room so sterile grey – a crowd of missing memories play.
Cry surely now please look it’s me – are we so blind in what we see.
A broken pile of honesty – it’s heavy so please lighten me.
Where is the light what of the sun – as into shadows we do run.
To hide our laughter box a smile – conceal them for a little while.
Stop listen yes I hear a call – quick hold me help me lest I fall.
On waking stirring from a dream – that nightmare place where I have been.
But listen, strange what’s that I hear – a heavy footstep sounds quite near.
The handle turns how can this be – another nightmare devours me.
So journey on first left then right – a wooden bridge comes into sight.
My brother’s laugh, my sisters cry – they’ve crossed, I can’t I wonder why.
Another journey Halloween – how can I dwell on things I’ve seen.
I fade away now with the dawn – until another nightmare’s born.
Oct 24, 2012
Nightmare Time
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
I like this,
I like this, and a heartfelt welcome to Neopoet Mike. As i said i like this very much, i just don't know why you didn't put it in verse, i think it would make it easier to read. Regards Roscoe..
comment
Many thanks for such an early response to my first entry. And yes your quite right it would have helped. but its early days and a learning curve for me. But point taken next entry formatted for easier reading
Cheers Mike
This is,
This is a learning curve for everyone here at Neopoet, i certainly have learned a lot from the poetic variety we have at Neopoet. To me it just seems more like a poem when in verse, but we have those here who may disagree. But we do try to help each other achieve the best. I have written your first four lines as i visualize them. Regards Roscoe...
Spider like we walk through dreams,
wher shadows talk or so it seems.
With tear filled eyes and twisted grin,
we watch our yesterdays walk in.
Mike
Firstly a great welcome to Neopoet, and looking at the story you have here in this first one I hope you stay with us.
Roscoe is correct though that the write should be broken up into Stanzas what ever they are lol, but it is early days yet and many workshops to go.
Have a great time with us here and don't be afraid to comment on others it is learning another thingwhen doing so, Yours Ian.T
Hello Mike,
This poem is certainly my cup of tea! (I write dark poetry as "eddy styx" under the name of Candlewitch) I found this piece of darkness and gloom to perk me right up, with its smooth quick rhymes! The rhythem is perfect and carried me along through the nightmare pace in a whirlwind ride. I look forward to reading more of your work! I loved it all but these lines stood out:
On waking stirring from a dream – that nightmare place where I have been.
But listen, strange what’s that I hear – a heavy footstep sounds quite near.
The handle turns how can this be – another nightmare devours me.
So journey on first left then right – a wooden bridge comes into sight.
My brother’s laugh, my sisters cry – they’ve crossed, I can’t I wonder why.
Another journey Halloween – how can I dwell on things I’ve seen.
I fade away now with the dawn – until another nightmare’s born.
always, eddy (& cat)
Oh lovely sound of nightmare thoughts
Or like this, perhaps a comma i place of the dashes:-
Spider like we walk through dreams – where shadows talk or so it seems. With tear filled eye and twisted grin – we watch our yesterday’s crawl in. Then someone speaks was it a scream – for something gone and yet unseen. Continue down a road of glass – as cracks appear is it the past.
A friendly wave a quick hello – I turn around where did they go. And now the rain so flat and warm – upon the curtain ripped and torn. Small glowing embers on the fire – just cast familiar shadows higher. Quick wake me for if sleep I must – release me from this phantom’s trust.
Talk not of echoes lurking near – there are no bitter memories here. I’m dreaming, dreaming yes I am – I must escape I know I can. Like laughter vacuumed from the floor – I’ll stay inside my dreams some more. Come join me in this nightmare place – for in its depths I glimpse your face....
And now it doesn't fit on this screen either!!
Oh lovely sound of nightmare thoughts full
of interesting moments from your life,
I always enjoy your poetry mike.
"lonely time to fil.l" fill .
"what of the sun – as into shadows we do run."
I find this in my poetry when one wishes to use
something that will rhyme, and it becomes slightly
cliché in its delivery, the we do run bit I mean, how
do we avoid these I wonder, they don't help the
poem become perfect for me,
I do the same its a dilemma.
Love Ann.
beginning a journey
Ann thank you for taking the time to comment on my work. I have been writing for a long time but never had the "courage" to trap it in the net. Saying that you enjoy my work only encourages me to write and share more again thank you:-)