Candlewitch
Candlewitch
May 05, 2022
This poem is part of the challenge:

Neopoet Challenge Contest # 15

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neopoet contest #15 random (2) I Was Lost

neopoet contest #15 random (2) I Was Lost

I Was Lost

I didn't know it
but, I was lost...so very lost.
I had a hunger in my belly
an unquenchable thirst
for what, I did not know!
I had my '67 Pontiac GTO
and a customized green kz 400,
still I was lost.
trusting no one, letting nobody in
two years out of a bad relationship,
they called me a loner, men tried to get close
but I would have none of them, until I met you!
it was then I realized (and the storm-clouds left my head.)
I still had a hard time of accepting any help
(because it usually came at a price)
slowly, ever slowly that changed, I began to
believe all men weren't born bastards!

-

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

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Comments

S

Line 8 try and still I was lost.......some reason it just sounds more poetic.

lovedly

I didn't know it
but, I was lost...so very lost. //// (WHY THE ELLIPSES? ... ADDS NOTHING TO POETRY JESS'S TEACHINGS)
I had a hunger XXX(in my belly) XXX SUPERFLUOUS words normally understood

believe ---YES YOU WERE SO LUCKY TO CONFRONT ONE TOO MANY...... Then only you made up your mind
all men weren't born bastards! great thoughts merci and thanks Cats

AND
Both the' ands ' have no bullet effect
x(and)X a customized green kz 400,
x(and)x still I was lost.

comments one too many
my kinda poetry

Candlewitch

Jess and I argued over ellipses. we had a stalemate on it. Google it. . . here is one of the things I found: in formal writing, an ellipsis can be used to represent a trailing off of thought. and that is what I have done. you are right about the (and's) thank you for your critique, a mighty fine one!

ever, eddy
*hugs, Cat

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 11 months ago

with the poem.
It seems that you were lost
but never forgot where you were.
We all often get lost and don't know it!
I have been there a few times myself
thinking that I knew the things I needed to know
but I didn't, not really!
I felt like you found your way,
when the right circumstances
came about, [and your head cleared.]
No need to rhyme or pull off some kind of form
you just said what you needed to and
left it to the reader to get what they wanted.
Good choice! ~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

I appreciate your time and opinions. am I allowed to use the "B" word on Neo? lol. you write an excellent critique! thank you again!

*hugs, Cat

Geezer

you can always drop by Killer's place. Anubis just made a great kill! Thanks for the huge praise, but we would be nowhere without the efforts of Paul and Mark, Remember we are a family, and Paul is head of the table. ~ Geez.
.

Geezer

pretty lax when it comes to language, the only things we don't allow, are direct attacks on a person's character, sex, or the depiction of violent sexual crimes. Everything else is pretty much allowed. If you are not sure, you may either post it yourself as being explicit catagory, or ask someone in the cabinet if you should. ~ Geez.
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