My Reality

Lost in my mind state
Wondering what role time plays.
My patience is weak,
Endangering my complacency.
Though conquering this, the fate I see
Is being unchained
Instead of playing this gun game;
Shooting myself in the foot,
Making the excuse, I'm misunderstood.
Not the path I need to walk.
I'm strong enough to lead, not fall
For the thesis
I'm as sick as my secrets.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Comments

jzarmel

As long as your secrets remain in focus..
Good write could have been longer, but the form restricts length so it could have been twice the length to conform..
Great write, Yours Ian..