The sign still bids me welcome
The populations still quite small,
Just one more mile before I know
If I'll recognize this place at all.
What I see before me now
Is not the town I longed to see,
Most businesses with shutters
They cut down that big oak tree.
The city square and band shell
The big clock that told the time,
Now lost and gone forever
From this old home town of mine.
I remember the old five and dime
The man that cut my hair,
Old men on benches telling stories
They always loved to share.
The siren that at noon each day
That would sound to mark the hour,
No longer peals its timely message
As when it sat atop my city's tower.
I walk three blocks to where I lived
The home my parents used to own,
To find that it no longer stands
And learn you never can go home.
As I sadly drive away this day
I wonder how it all went wrong,
The good old days now gone forever
I suppose I knew that all along.
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively utilizes nostalgia and a sense of loss to evoke emotion in the reader. The vivid imagery of the old town and its changes over time is a strong point. However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure and rhythm to enhance its musicality and flow.
In terms of structure, the poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme, which is commendable. However, the meter seems to fluctuate, making the rhythm feel a bit disjointed at times. For example, the line "The siren that at noon each day" is noticeably longer than the other lines in its stanza. Adjusting the syllable count to create a more consistent rhythm could improve the poem's flow.
The poem's theme of change and the passage of time is clear and relatable, but the language could be more nuanced. The use of clichés such as "the good old days" and "you never can go home" detracts from the poem's originality. Experimenting with more unique and unexpected language could make the poem more engaging and memorable.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from exploring the speaker's emotions in more depth. While it's clear that the speaker feels a sense of loss, further exploration of these feelings could add depth to the poem and make the speaker's experience more relatable to the reader. For example, the speaker could reflect on specific memories associated with the town, or describe their feelings upon seeing the changes in more detail.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
My Old Home Town
Hello, William,
I feel the mood of your poem. I made the mistake of visiting the homes of my long gone grandparents and old neighborhoods. All changed. Even the area where I live now rapidly changes. It's very hard to go back, it can be very sad. Your poem captures the reality many (probably most) people experience when returning to neighborhoods and towns of their youth. Thank you for this.
L
Good Evening.
Good Evening.
As always, thanks for reading and for your input. This experience brought me to tears but I should not have anticipated a different experience. It had been 60 years but the change was beyond anything I might have expected. All my best. - Will