introvert
introvert
Sep 19, 2011

My love

Sadness is what you cause me
Hurt my emotions,
Tear my confidence away,
Weaken my heart.

I love you with the same weak heart
Care for you,
Protect you with the same heart,
However you fail to see.

This is where our road ends
Our paths should depart separately,
For you have done the worst,
Bringing tears to my lovely, loving face.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: ZAF

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Comments

introvert

Thanks for the input...coming to think of it I agree with you regarding the title and as for the body I am not so sure about it hey. I want to express my hurt feelings however, also let the person know how I still feel beneath the pain and that nomatter how much I may still be loving I am willing to let go...

Candlewitch

In these lines:

I love you with the same weak heart
Care for you,
Protect you with the same heart,
However you fail to see.

You already have weakened heart in the verse above this verse. Then you use weak twice, in this verse. It feels and sounds redundent. How about something like this:

I love you withe that same fragile heart
care for you,
protect you with my all
however you fail to see

these are just suggestions for you to take or reject at your pleasure. Favorite lines are:

This is where our road ends
Our paths should depart separately,
For you have done the worst,
Bringing tears to my lovely, loving face.

always, Cat