My Condolences to Frost

A babies first laugh is precious
Delicate and small
But soon before you know that baby's gone and grown tall
No more chubby cheeks, and no more innocent stare
Soon they'll get in fights, and you'll be pulling out your hair
Once they're old and married, they might just not come back
So make sure you love your children before they have to pack
Because as I'll say at they end of each day
Nothing gold can stay

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Texas USA

Favorite Poets: Shel Silverstein

Comments

My Condolences to Frost

Robert Frost was an amazing poet. His poems really speak to me and I look up to him. This is one of his well known poems "Nothing Golden can stay" I wrote a recreation poem based off my view of his work, This is the original poem.
Nature’s first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf’s a flower
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf
So eden sank to greif
So down goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay

Once (their)they are or they're...old u ----meant perhaps typo

and Frost is dead and gone

nothing GOLD can stay
he did of course say
now address these condolences to his golden off springs if any
if you may
he can't read nor hear you any way
vivi

Thanks for catching that, i

Thanks for catching that, i've never been all that good at grammar

thanks

thanks teddy, i have been told many times before that when i speak about something i feel strongly about, like bullying or sexual harassment I get my point across. I have been told i should join the debate team because i talk so much i would out talk the other person. My 12 paragraph long poems surely show it. Thanks

I like the...

theme and the idea that you have taken a R. Frost poem and made it your own on a different level. I would pay a little more attention to the rhythm and maybe try to omit or add some syllables to even things out, but take you time and read it out loud and you will see where the stumbles are. ~ Geez.
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