Mr. Rainbow

Mr. Rainbow attracted me
He Killed me with his charming shots
So I read more about him
And here's what I got..

Mr. Rainbow
----------------

Through crystal clear elegancy
passes the magic of the light,
to split the droplets' transparency,
and turn it to a colorful delight.

Look at the horizon and see
it's adorned with a bow;
violet, blue, red and green
indigo, orange and yellow.

No brush strokes, no paints, nor colors
on canvas could do -in the longest run,
what a few dangled rain drops- in moments
could do when gently kissed by the sun.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Thanks for giving the time to read me and commenting

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

I think,

I think this is a very nice poem, well structured and well put together. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet. Regards Roscoe...

Thank you

for the warm welcome and the nice comment..
Rula

Rula

This is a beautiful write, where you let your Spirit see the beauty around.
Some find it hard to detach from the vision of the Eyes and use the most powerful of all sight feelings.
There are many that cannot walk within the petals of a rose, yet our Desert Rose has that ability,
Yours Ian.T

Ian

It too generous of you to
say so dear Ian..Highly appreciate
your visit and your gentle comment.

I think this coukd use substantial improvement

I like the structure of introduction then poem, but the content is not sufficiently original to cover the prosodic limitations.
if you are going to rhyme then you might as well use the other aspects of prosody as well, like meter. This reads as rhymed prose.

And here what I got.. [either-
And here's what I got.. [or
And hear what I got..

count the stressed syllables in each line if you want to write structured poetry.. Here are some references.
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/meter-everyone
http://www.neopoet.com/weirdelf/blog/mon-2011-08-15-2353
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/more-meter

Meter is not rocket science, it is just hearing the sound of the English language, and therefore though it does vary with different regional accents, it does substantially become quite easy to parse. As Stan has noted, most dictionaries provide phonetic illustration of syllable stresses.

Thank you

Thanks for providing the links . I have started reading through and would
continue very soon.