Bryan

May 17, 2012

MOTIVATIONS OF PERSONALITIES

Dreamers dream
In hopes that they will
Come true.

Schemers scheme
In hopes that they will
Manipulate.

Seekers seek
In hopes that they will
Find.

Gamblers gamble
In hopes that they will
Win

Thinkers think
In hopes that they will
Discover.

Cheaters cheat
In hopes that they will
Prosper.

Writers write
In hopes that they will
Reveal themselves.

Painters paint
In hopes that they will
give vision.

Liars lie
In hopes that they will
Remain hidden.

Cowards cower
In hopes that they will
Survive.

Parents parent
In hopes that they will
Be immortal.

Lovers love
In hopes that they will
Be completed.

Believers believe
In hopes that they will
Receive.

Deceivers deceive
In hopes that they will
Control.

Teachers teach
In hopes that they will
Inspire.

Learners learn
In hopes that they will
Understand.

Yearners yearn
In hopes that they will
Improve.

Why do you do
The things that you
Do?

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Mass, USA

Favorite Poets: Adelaide Crapsey

Comments

Thanks for the welcome Mark

Good comment. I will be thinking about the last stanza.

Bryan

welcome fellow writer. simple answer for the love of it
I was just a bit put off by the repetition of it all
but that just might be your style

good comment

Can you tell me which of the stanzas work for you and which do not? How long would be a good length? I do use repetition sometimes but it does not define me -just another tool. Thanks for your insight.

Bryan

6,7, and 8 work
guess I'm not the biggest fan of repetition then lol
Chrys

hi bryan

welcome to the site
and thank you for sharing your write with us

I like the idea, it just needs work. my suggestion is to cull a lot of those stanzas that don’t really say anything new, and work on a few, combining them as I have shown in my example here

dreamers dream and scheme
with desire to
manipulate

thinkers think and write
In hope they will
reveal discovery

lovers love and believe
aspiring to
receive completion

these are just examples to show you what I mean… you would be better to try and say something that people may not have thought of –
also, repetition is boring if it is not used for a reason… you can say the same thing in many ways…

hope this is of help
love judy

thanks for the suggestions

I appreciate your effort.

Hello Bryan,

I'm glad to see that your work has been found so soon after posting. Again, welcome to the neopoet site! I like the subject mater you have chosen to write of. I think the title could be pared down to just; Motivations andreduced to a single capitalization of the first letter of the word, as otherwise it feels like shouting.

Suggestions: With these lines:

Dreamers dream
In hopes that they will
Come true.

it might read smoother to say:

Dreamers dream
In hopes that their
Dreams come true

and I think you could drop the last stanza, ending the poem with these lines:

Yearners yearn
In hopes that they will
Improve.

I very much liked the tone and flow of this piece!

I hope I have been of help to you.

always, Cat

goodness gracious me! Judyanne gives great crit!

I feel redundant.

I like the concept, endorse Judyanne suggestions and also dislike the question ending.

Writers write
In hopes that they will
Reveal themselves. [really? I don't, my motivation varies]

If you could come up with a more punchy ending it would really make this poem.