docmaverick
docmaverick
Jul 23, 2012

More Doors

I must sit down and turn around
be mindful as I sit,

the reason you can't see my face
is it's covered with your spit!

This gravy-train is quite insane
I chew my food real good;

I have a way of saying things
but I'm so, misunderstood!

It's alright, I'll be polite
and say what's on my mind;

if negatives breed negatives
I'll be the other kind.

With borrowed soap, I can't lose hope
and air my cares outside;

if the time's not right and at this height,
it'll be impossible to hide!

Tweedle-dee, and tweedle-dum
no worries in the rain;

all my good and bad times
end up going down the drain.

Seems to me my final plea
won't say as much as yours;

my journey's almost over
while you've still a lot more doors!

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A.., USA

Favorite Poets: Keates

More from this author

Comments

weirdelf

I would try re-writing it in the first person, I think it would have more impact.
Just as an example-

I sit down and turn around
mindful as I sit,

the reason you can't see my face
is it's covered with your spit!

This gravy-train is quite insane
but, I chew my food real good;

It's my usual argument with your work, but can you see my point? We convey our power by owning it, not telling others what to do.