RoseBlack

Jul 14, 2022

Moolah

Crisp as the night air
They fall one by one
In front of mossy eyes
And jaded ears

The big bucks talk
With voices of greed
The green eyed monster
Comes alive indeed

A roll of the dice
Across verdant felt
Quick flick of the wrist
An unfortunate slip of the lips

She pulls a pistol
From behind her back
Black Jack's slow to draw
Willy Nilly looks to be ill

Frozen steel poking his temple
Willy gives his money over
Jack scoffs, thinking she has no guts
Until he was choking on the barrel

It's been a pleasure
She purred, as she collected her loot
See that man you killed before was my lover
And this money was his to boot

Such ashame I found you
Before it could be spent
Lessons learned, you pricks
The green always wins

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Hi Mark

Thank you for your input! The color challenge Cat gave us certainly has been a fun one!

What color is the felt

Since we are gambling. I wanna feel the dice hit that felt. And I bet it’s a shade of…

Tim

Green

The color is green. I will go back and work on this some more today or tonight. I was really tired last night.

dear RB,

your last line is a great tease... more please!?!

*hugs, Cat

Per everyone's suggestion...

I have edited and added to the poem. Please let me know how you like it.

tickled my fancy, and brought the color green to life in a way that I hadn't imagined! This is thinking out of the box, and a pleasure to read with the comedic tint. I am green with jealousy!
~ Geez.
.

Thank you

It was much shorter but since it received such a warm response, I took the audience's suggestion and added. It was a fun write. Lately I am just putting words down and see what happens!

Well done!...

I am so pleased that you could respond to the audience and wrote the extra! Excellent! ~ Geez.
.

I think

We have a great audience who offers constructive yet gentle feedback and makes it enjoyable to write for.

Excellent

Great job. Laden in that imagery I wanted.

Thanks Tim

I value your critique and am glad you enjoyed the revisions.

dear RoseBlack

your character(or the created character) comes charging to life with reflexes twitching. I love her. I think you should give her a name and a profile (maybe an alter ego?) your foray into Green is top notch!
favorite lines are:
Frozen steel poking his temple
Willy gives his money over
Jack scoffs, thinking she has no guts
Until he was choking on the barrel