the mirror........
you stand right before me
in admiration
of self emulated beauty
the giggle is spontaneous
and
genuine
then you break down into a seeming reunion
now you dance
after a refreshing perfumed bath
let your towel fall
without a trace of wrath
then you laugh,
loud
the world may hear
as you are seemingly calling
for your loved one oh my dear
finally through life’s magnetic trance
you wander
and
mindlessly ballet dance
as raw beauty emerges,
as fresh as it can be
your loved one
is an implanted fiancée for thee
then it’s all over
the mirror cracks
all curves break
and
cheeks smack
you shrivel like a dead sack….
The mirror
You stand right before me
in admiration of self emulated beauty
the giggle is spontaneous and genuine
then you break down into a seeming reunion
now you dance after a refreshing bath
let your towel fall without a trace of wrath
then you laugh, the world may hear
As you are seemingly calling for your loved dear
finally through life’s magnetic trance
you wander and mindlessly ballet dance
as raw beauty emerges, as fresh as it can be
your loved one is an implanted fiancée for thee
then it’s all over the mirror cracks
all curves break and cheeks smack
Comments
Seen.
It's fourteen lines alright, and the rhyme scheme is consistent, but you didn't look out for meter. Going by the strict definition of the form, this may not be considered a sonnet.
I'm not sure if you could pass this off as a free verse sonnet.
well how do i set the
metre ../meter then .
As i know nothing about the finer nuances of poetry ,
so I shall revert to my speciality
FREE verse
at worse.
Could you gloss through
the seed
That has no ''I ''
in it
I'm not sure
if I'm the best person for this, but I'll tell you. Writing in meter is not that hard. Keeping to meter, well, kind of, but you get the hang of things easily.
The simplest I've tried is iambic meter, meter made up of iambs. Goes sort of like daDUM, daDUM, daDUM, daDUM (unstressed-STRESSED, unstressed-STRESSED...). The one used in most English sonnets is the iambic pentameter; where the meter in each line is made up of five feet of iambs (hey! what am I saying?!)
Well, one example I like is Shakespeare's sonnet "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?". That's in iambic pentameter.
So you just start off with the first line, and make sure you stick to the meter through out the poem. I'm sure you already know all this. You can checkout Jess's workshops for a much better explanation. You could also give yourself this little test, and write a couplet to that Shakespeare line, and follow his meter. That's about it.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?... Were I any good, I could've parsed your poem to identify the various metrical feet you have in there, but I definitely see a mix of iambs and dactyls. Who knows, I might just try to...
ps. I still think the free-verse sonnet is kind of like a novelty. Maybe you should try some more of those. It could catch on. But do give yourself exercises in meter. It really is fun when you get used to it. :)
frankly truly and honestly
Frankly truly and honestly
I know nothing about poetry
but yes
Frankly truly and honestly
I have composed off the cuff poetry,
in decades
but I always try to learn
whatever comes my way
Sonnet this time maybe,
in free verse to keep within me
my poetic justice,
hope you will appreciate
and see
and move along the stream with me.
I will
And when weirdelf's sonnet workshop begins, do try to join us.
Hi Loved
Yeah there are far too many who spend an inordinant amount of time in front of mirrors lol. Now as to sonnet form.....to begin with I'll say up front that this form aggravated the hell out of me every time I try one. But the one thing that your attempt lacks is attention to syllable count. In almost all its forms a sonnet requres no more or less than 10 syllables per line. And most are also written in iambic meter. Also if my weak memory doesn't fail me, the last 2 lines should display at least a minor "twist". So as far as I know sonnet= 3 quatrains + 1 rhyming couplet with each line containing 10 syllables. And as far as I've been able to determine with the limited research I've done the couplet is the only stanza which Requires rhyme but in most sonnets I've read rhyming is carried throughout. I guess this is about as clear as mud lol...........stan
Quite right, scrib!
Some forms of sonnets used the three quatrains with a rhyming couplet. But all quatrains must rhyme. That's a must. The special place about the couplet is, it usually is a sort of aa rhyme, while verses may be enveloped or alternating like abab, abba, or the same as the couplet, aabb.
There is another "formula" I know of, and is the one I usually prefer; 1 verse with 12 lines, and a couplet. Then you can also have 4 triplets and a couplet.
The couplet is usually called a "heroic couplet", if I'm right. And it's something special. I generally love writing couplets, and I keep my poems like that, most of the time.
also
I researched a bit more. You are correct that rhyme exists throughout the entire sonnet but the patters can vary so much as to not be apparent in a casual read. Also ran across a sonnet form consisting of an 8 line stanza and a six line stanza. In my opinion the hard part (at least for me) is maintaining the syllable requirement without it seeming forced. I'll be doing a shop soon which will deal entirely with rhyme patterns. You will be most welcome( as will anybody) to join and see how different patterns can help in maintaining a natural sound to poetry while maintaining rhyme...........stan
there is a song
when smoke gets into your eyes BLAH BLAH BLAH.....
so when mud gets into my head
its all right ,
i can feign no fight
coz I know you all are right...
lolololol
Stan u only mudify my mind
hence I shall not muddle
for the medal
with a sonnet
one
Hello Stan and George
your comments above ,
send shivers down my spine.
I think one should maintain and retain
within the walls of ones ability ,
I for one in my FREE- dom verse..
Thanks for pointing out nuances
I'm. ignorant about..
As you know
I have no poetic acumen
O come on!
"As you know
I have no poetic acumen"
You do! To get your message across without relying on traditional form is the hard part for me. Not you. :)
Thanks Saints
you are a very positive person
and
how I wish you had traversed across the Internet
and
Neopoets
much earlier than as of now
but glad you do encourage
folks like me some how.
have a nice day
and
happy reading too
don't worry...
free verse for me ought to do
Free verse vs Form poetry
I say never let yourself be limited by the constraints of form or of free verse. My concern is that without considering meter, even in free verse, will make you miss the music of your poetry. To me it really is about singing a song to the universe. For example, this is not a form poem it's simply two rhyming quatrains in an a,b,a,b c,d,c,d rhyme and a rhyming couplet. I would say chant it, find the music behind it The emphasis goes on every other syllable. I know you'll feel it.
Pleasure by RW-
-
It pleases me to effortlessly hang upon a rhyme
It eases me to gently clutch to that which I hold dear
Releases me to feathertouch a shapely neck sublime
as teases flare deliciously as my words kiss the ear
-
-
The pleasure inadvertant sees its register in blush
exquisite, unprotected, honest witness of the real
as boyish muscles soon grew strong the boyish mind did rush
and soon thereafter girlish laughter rose to girlish squeal
-
-
politics and status grasped hard to an ibex leaping
double handfulls filled with fleshy passion I am keeping
Ron
Blue Demon77
That was beautiful!
That was beautiful!
Its better we learn now
and
your discourse was wonderful ,
if only I can apply my mind .
Thanks William!
I appreciate it!
Ron
BlueDemon77
THANKS
I just passed by
in search of my mirror
and saw you smiling at me
all sonnet lovers
do read my one and only free sonnet...
lovely mirror poem please
it will send no more shivers
in me my failing
nervousity kind of inner mechanism
almost failing me
the first and the last of the sonnets please.
hi loved
the first and biggest rule of a sonnet is that it is in meter – usually iambic pentameter, but not always…
iambic pentameter is just a fancy way of saying the stresses of the syllables of the words on each line should sound in a soft/HARD pattern, and there should be 10 of them
ta DUM ta DUM ta DUM ta DUM ta DUM
don’t worry about voltas and twists or rhyming couplets that stay with the reader for now… stan is right in his mention of these – but the important thing do get first is the iambic pentameter
so, let’s look at your first verse
You STAND RIGHT be-FORE me – 6 syllables
in AD-mir-AT-ion of self-EM-ul-AT-ed BEAU-ty – 13 syllables
the GIGG-le is spon-TAN-e-ous and GEN-u-INE – 12 ayllables
then YOU BREAK DOWN IN-to a SEEM-ing re-UN-ion – 12 ayllables
- and the stresses of the words don’t all go soft/HARD
with just a little edit
you stand in admiration right before me
self- emulated beauty’s bastion
the giggle is spontaneous and free
you break down into seemingly reunion
You STAND in AD-mir-AT-ion RIGHT beFORE me
self –EM-ul-A-ted BEAU-ty’s BAST-i-ON
the GIGG-le IS spon-TAN-e-OUS and FREE
you BREAK down IN-to SEEM-in-LY re-UN-ion
I need to point out lines 1 and 4 have an extra soft stress at the end of the line – these are called feminine lines, and are allowable with the Shakespearean sonnet
so really loved – you were not far out…
try the second verse yourself….
I was interested in all the comments above… and in relation to those
can I say that a sonnet does not have to rhyme – in fact Shakespeare wrote most of his works in what is called blank verse… in my opinion, they are harder to write and keep musical, as one doesn’t have the assistance of the rhyme for this
love judy xxx
so really loved – you were not far out…
you are generous
firstly I knew no nuances of a sonnets worth
and varying 6 12 and 13
yet u encourage
and say as above
ur kind
i shall try
reviewed
the mirror........
you stand right before me
in admiration
of self emulated beauty
the giggle is spontaneous
and
genuine
then you break down into a seeming reunion
now you dance
after a refreshing perfumed bath
let your towel fall
without a trace of wrath
then you laugh,
loud
the world may hear
as you are seemingly calling
for your loved one oh my dear
finally through life’s magnetic trance
you wander
and
mindlessly ballet dance
as raw beauty emerges,
as fresh as it can be
your loved one
is an implanted fiancée for thee
then it’s all over
the mirror cracks
all curves break
and
cheeks smack
you shrivel like a dead sack….