I wandered into a land
a land without mirrors,
full of happy, jovial people
albeit, raggedy, and unkempt
but no one seemed to notice.
appearance was never mentioned.
manners were.
it seems that, how one is treated is
the only reflection of one's self
that is needed.
Imagine that!
Comments
Hello Al
Love this. The kind of imagination that takes you to a better places. I wish I could live there even if for few hours.
As a suggestion, I thought a different line breaks would help tidying up the flow a bit more. Only my humble opinion.
Enjoyed this one very much.
Thank you for sharing.
Hi, Rula
glad you liked this piece
as far as the line break thing...this being such a short piece, could you just show me what you would do? thanks
Hello Al
Ok.. This is what I was thinking of. I know I haven't mentioned punctuation earlier, but I think of it as I was playing with the line-breaks. Please feel free to ignore it all if it opposes with your intentions. It is your poem and you know better what you want to say.
I wandered into a land[;] [I'd add a semi-colon to expand the thought]
a land without mirrors,
full of happy, jovial people[,]
albeit [,]raggedy[,]and unkempt [I'd drop the commas for a smoother flow]
but no one seemed to notice[.] [I'd replace the full-stop with a semi-colon] again to expand a thought
appearance was never mentioned. [I'd replace the full stop with a semi-colon to join this line and the next one with the previous ones]
manners were.
it seems that [,] how one is treated[,] [I'd drop the comma in the middle and add one at the end of the line]
is the only reflection
of one's self that is needed.
Imagine that!
Hope that helps a bit.
Best regards
This is how it would look
after the change in the line-breaks. (I am putting it again here because the advanced formats obligatorily adds spaces among the lines.
I wandered into a land;
a land without mirrors,
full of happy, jovial people,
albeit raggedy and unkempt,
but no one seemed to notice;
appearance was never mentioned;
manners were.
it seems that how one is treated,
is the only reflection
of one's self that is needed.
Imagine that!
thank you so much Rula
you really got into this chore...I think my punctuation was meant more to reflect how to sound it out when spoken aloud, as if telling a story to a child...dramatizing, highlighting, with those extra (comma) pauses. The same for the spacing.
But your points are well taken, and very much appreciated.
sincerely,
Unless
you have already changed this following Rula's comment, then I would beg to differ. I like it just as it is, line breaks and separations both. I do agree it is imaginative as in a children's moral tale.
Keith
this is the original version. Just out of curiosity, I've asked Rula for specifics.
She may have a take on it that we haven't thought of.
glad you found some qualities to your liking
thanks,
Al
A short well written piece, how to step into another world.
Man stopped evolving once he saw his reflection in the waters and streams of the world.
Romans and prehistory used polished things to see themselves, not sure when mirrors were invented or widely used, I shall check lol
Take care out there Yours Ian..
History and Symbolism of Mirrors in Mesoamerica
Mirrors were one of the most important religious artefacts in the famous Mesoamerican Culture that thrived in Central America.
Here you can find out origins of those mirrors, their meaning, and the way they impacted people who worshiped them.
◦Bronze Mirror History
Bronze mirrors played a very important role in the history of world’s most populated country in the world –
China. With tradition of using bronze mirrors for over 3000 years, these famous objects became one of the integral parts of their history, culture and art.
◦Who Is The Inventor of Mirror?
The earliest manufactured mirrors have been discovered in Turkey, dating back to 6000 BC. Justus von Liebig, a German chemist, created the first modern mirror-silver glass mirror in 1835.
Hi Ian
thanks for stopping by.
and the compliment
mirror, mirror.....
who's the fairest of them all..
."why, everyone knows it is Ian"
Al
Really wish that time would stand still for a while, but as we all know it scurries on in an endless stream, in which I am caught and cannot fail but to go with the flow.
Thanks for your reply, and I believe the fairest of them all is those of our opposite sex, they shine where we just trundle along. Will talk later or tomorrow it is late and I have a few things still to do,
Take care my friend and keep writing,
Yours as always Ian..
PS:- One of my Mirrors:-
Mirror
I was standing there
in full suns glare
looking at my image
I smiled it willingly shared
Damn me if it didn’t fall
as the sun followed its track
Amazing sights were thrown back
A thousand me’s as it shattered there.
A prismatic paradise in air
Colours not seen before
then that silence
after the scream.
Seven years I have held that sight
now I can at last say goodnight
to all the bad luck of mine
but the sight was so divine
Ian.T
imagine that!
Love it Al
A cleverly written moral and metaphysical message
imagine that!
Oh and imho - don't change the format ... I like it as it is...
Love judy
xxx
Hi, Judy
sometimes, the ones that come easy are the ones that come out best
ever notice that?
makes me wonder why I keep working so hard on others...it should be a major clue by now...but, I gotta tame the wild ones, they're not gonna get away from me. And when finally corralled, they just take up space and continue to annoy me... ah!, c'est la vie!
thanks for the praise
valuable message beautifully
valuable message beautifully done,
joe
hey, Joe
that is a genuinely satisfying comment
thanks,