Midnight Flight
through passageways
with turnings hidden
candle's flame flickers
to breeze unbidden
in near distance
as a low wind rushes
gasping of the glimmer
my running footsteps
speed headlong
into a darkness
deeper than the blackest night
consumed by the terror of my flight
evil presence behind
driving me with persistence
so great my failing resistance
falters guttering out
without a god to beg granting grace
I am lost to this malicious intent
Last Few Words: For those of you who don't know: eddy styx is my murderous male alter ego.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
well confused i am eddy
well confused i am eddy
it sound to me that these are the emotions of one of your victims, not yours
but then again - with a deeper read it could become your emotions consumed by the beast that causes your darkness,,,, well i'm trapping myself here, i'll stop now
great write
great alliteration
one typo
'evil pressence behind' (presence)
i love the ending, which is the part that i can attribute to your dark thoughts
'without a god to beg granting grace
I am lost to this malicious intent'
love judy
xxxx
Dear Judy,
Yes! I have internal demons which drive me, and a few external ones as well. I was born in the shadow of a very twisted dying tree. Thank you for reading and leaving your comment.
always, eddy
gr88WRITE will help me take flight into my fields of imagination
''This universe has no beginning,
no end
that we mortals can claim knowledge of ''
Loved
Dear Loved,
Thank you! :)
always, eddy
yep, like Judy said, sounds like one of Eddie's victims
is Eddie learning compassion? I thought he was a psychopath. This could be a crisis poem, not in the melodramatic sense, but perhaps a part of Eddie's integration. Pause for thought.
Structurally the lines-
driving me with persistence
so great my failing resistance
are awkward, very good double rhymes, but the words themselves don't sound strong to me, you know what I mean?
Thanks Jess,
eddy, too is a victim of his times and circumstances. and he does have a twisted sense of compassion. His idea of beauty is deformity. He is driven by his own set of demons.
Yes, I know what you mean. I will think on it. Thanks for the comments.
always, eddy
Sounds to me...
like eddy has been keeping company with that snot Sir Gee! He is trying to ruin my life too! ~ Killer
Dear Killer,
It is beyond great, to hear from you! I hope Sir Gee isn't giving you too much grief! Hang in there!
always, eddy
Cat
Eddy lives and runs without a God to help him.
He needs more sad people to feed on, where can he hide, me thinks a sanctuary in an old asylum where he can fester thoughts of death and hurt to all he encounters.
I know I should read more of him but my alter Ego would have him drawn and quartered his head removed and spiked at the city gates.
There I can see him and rest assured that there can be only One,
Yours, Gyps fulvus
Dear Ian,
it is true that eddy is a human monster. he was created by an abusive, loveless, childhood. I don't think an asylum could help him...only a silent grave. Thanks for reading. (Cat)
always, eddy
Cat
It is so hard to equate a great piece of writing like this, and the depths it goes
The thoughts of one that has had to suffer, then where they have to let someone like Eddy out, to show others what happens in some peoples worlds.
It is hard, not impossible for me, having had such a beautiful childhood all those years ago, to be realistic and write as you do about Eddy.
I rarely join in the dark side fact or fiction as I usually read the thoughts behind the write and as you pointed out his creation was to offset a very bad childhood.
I am so glad that this is not reflected in all your works, that I seem sometimes flippant in my answers and extra writing on these pieces, I am aware of the make up that some have to build with, where the base of life should have been a lovely experience, instead of one that produces Eddy in all his terrible glory.
I do hope that with your mind, that comes across as being really strong, that you can move away from those times and be just that lovely you,
Yours Ian.T
Dear Ian,
I am always appreciative when you read my works, be it mine or eddy's. I am also glad you understand where eddy came from and that you know that I put my rage on the page instead of act out, as many of the criminal element do. I was blessed to have been given a sense of right and wrong, by my father who I was only allowed minimal contact with in order to punish us both.
For a bit of lighter writing/reading, I suggest that you go back and read my poem, "Anniversary". It is an expression of love for the other man of good influence in my life. I hope it pleases you and blesses you with gentle smiles.
love, Cat (& eddy)
Good Work Candlewitch!
I enjoy the use of the macabre in poetry and am glad to see that there are others who share this trait with me. I thoroughly enjoyed the poem.
I'd be honored if you all could join me at 9 PM on Friday, July 13th where I hope to urge the poets to share their most dark and visceral work. I know it was too late for you last time but you're more than welcome if you'd like to come.
Ron
Hello Ron!
I would be most interested in joining your chat on the 13th of July! Is it 9 pm eastern, central or mountain time? I'll bring eddy styx with me as he writes most of my dark poetry.
:)
always, Cat (& eddy)
Dearest Lonnie,
I'm glad you found enjoyment and entertainment from this piece. Thanks for letting me know.
always, Cat (& eddy)