Middling Finale
utter failing
aspirations grand
anticipation
stripped away
one dream
in succession
as the abyss
of mediocrity
yawns bleak
oblivion
glowers back
fixedly
watchful
one misstep
condemn
and decree
the final
shame
and end
of
me
Last Few Words: Thank you Stan, for the revision!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Dear Lonnie,
Thank you for your kind words. You are gracious as ever. *hugs.
always, Cat
Hi Cat
Abyss of mediocrity alone makes this worth reading. Only ideas I have concern structure. I'd think about breaking this into stanzas to avoid thoughts running together and also try :
and the end
of
me............................might reinforce the feeling of trailing off to the end
But regardless, I liked reading this.............stan
Dear Stan,
Yes. I see what you mean. Thank you for your helpful suggestions. I'll get to work on it.
always, Cat
loved x
loved x
Dear Sue,
Thank you for reading this piece and responding. It is greatly appreciated.
always, Cat
the edge
always so threatengly defined in my youth
so of course I had to get there to have a look
at this thing that made my mother
father grandfather so wary
What made these great figures in my life
ponder....and why did I get stuck in the corner
so much for speaking my mind in school when
I did...as quiet as I was too
I think its because I can feel it
see it smell it know it and others cant
maybe intuition tells them
I know the edge well
Ive seen those rushing about with power
control issues
greed envy lust go flying right off
and over
I dont tell anyone anymore
only a handful listen and they
get resentful
"abyss of medioctry yawns bleak"
such a hard discipline to accept for
me this...but this is where the mean
line is
the start point
to where I like to hang out
at the EDGE
and hard to admit but this becomes
mediocre too
and the medioctrity has some gems
for me
I still aspire
and all that hasnt
well
I have today to attempt yet another
climb for something
large or small
some people try for one or a few things
and suceed
but I have tried a few of this and that
and failed
experience never gave me a ticket or
trade...im just the old trunk with all
the stickers
something of value still
Thank You!