Sometimes I want to melt...
Melt into my bed,
melt into the background,
melt into your arms,
melt into myself.
Sometimes I want to melt
until there’s nothing left.
Apr 06, 2012
Melt
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Your poem brings to mind one
Your poem brings to mind one of those many times when we wished we never existed at all.
your wording is precise and your sentence structure is concise. Although short, your poem flows nicely.
nice write.
Hello,
I think WonderGolly said it all :) (and I know that feeling well!)
always, Cat
Hello
I'm a sucker for short poems. Probably because mine ramble on and on and.........Anyhow the only addition I would suggest is to consider adding Just in front of melt in next to last line. Structurally you could use the form to reinforce the last line in something like this:
Until
there's
..n
..o
,, t
.. h
.. i
..n
..g
....left
But that's just an off the cuff idea..........stan
Beautiful this
or just
until there's
nothing
left.
Nordic cloud.
i don't agree
with either scribbles or annanya
don't add anything to this
it is perfect as is
love judy
Here here now, one can be
Here here now, one can be over-pretentious sometimes with poetry
where the straight forward simple statement
has enough in it to make the right impact.
So be it. Nordic cloud. annanya
Melt
It's simplicity makes it unique.
Andrew
thank you! i really
thank you! i really appreciate it.