Jackweb
Jackweb
Mar 07, 2023

LURK IN THE SHADOW

The hidden
magic of uncertainty
has instigated
a mountain of fear
I'm now a time bomb
waiting to detonate

this serious obnoxious
time is now hanging
in the balance
I may likely
break as brittle shards
to enter into a new hope

my picturization
now a long horizon
a new vista
which correlates
with my heart's
desire

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo

More from this author

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

The hidden
magic of uncertainty
has instigated
a mountain of fear
I'm now a time bomb
waiting to detonate

this serious obnoxious
time is now hanging
in the balance
I may likely
break as brittle shards
to enter into a new hope

my picturization
now a long horizon
a new vista
which correlates
with my heart’s
desire

A few grammatical corrections (English is a difficult second language but yours is pretty stellar). Verb tense and possessive nouns have rules but then there’s like all the exceptions. Sometimes I have to look up these rules and this is my native language. Actually English is like 3-4 languages pretending to be one. Old English is Germanic, Celtic and Welsh people had their own distinct languages. Romans brought Latin which also appears in English through French phrases like cul de sac. Then the Norse lent some of that Germanic from a later period into most of Western Europe in the 10th and 11th centuries.

It’s definitely a hodgepodge of influences.

The poem is great but stressful. Uncertainty is a condition inherent to the human condition. Not knowing where basic needs like shelter and food and water are coming from is a nightmare that I believe we as a species should be beyond but for the avarice and greed of some of us. I hope you’re doing alright.

Best of luck in this trying and stressful time,
Tim

Geezer

Tim's sentiments. I also wish you and your country well. Take care Sir. ~ Geez.
.

Lavender

"...a new vista that correlates with my heart's desire." I hope that for you, too.
L