Love's Elixir

She has slender hands,
They caress with care.
Her skin, soft and tanned.
Wild like a horse mane flows her hair.
Piercing and deep is her gaze.
As a moon lit ocean crashes its waves,
my heart stops when I hear her breathe.
Perfectly curved her body lays,
Like sunset; on lazy desert days.

I cannot escape this lovely bliss,
She calms my quarrels with a gentle kiss.
Sweeter than honeysuckles are her lips,
Moist and creamy the garden drips.
I love her more than Christ did the church,
Giving her the world, to show her worth.
Intertwined together like a cobra’s dance,
Her voice traps me in charmer’s trance.

When she’s near, my blood boils.
The foxes will be stopped, before the vine spoils.
When she is far, the lighthouse searches.
Like the eagle scans the sky while he perches.
My cup runneth over,
contents of intoxication leaking.
But this sea of love will stop the ship from sinking.
A vampire’s bite, a mermaid’s song-
It feels so right, it can’t be wrong.
Like the rapture pulling saints from the grave,
My love’s savor, I will always crave.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Comments

Thanks Teddy,

Thanks Teddy,
This poem is about my wife, who I still have. We were engaged at the time when I wrote it.

Hi Dramen

you have used great imagination while comparing various stages of your craving for your Love with other natural forms...i liked it immensely...

thanks for the treat....

Dramen

beautifully written. A poem this fine deserves a stronger title give it a try

your Dad was a fine man and I see you follow in his footsteps

Thanks Brooks,

Thanks Brooks,
I changed the title to "Love's Elixir", I think that it resonates more with the content of the poem.

My Love

Hello, Dramen,
Even though you have selected free verse, there does seem to be a structure here, maybe just a bit loose. Very tender. Sometimes I find a poem within a poem:

As a moonlit ocean crashes its waves,
my heart stops when I hear her breathe.
Perfectly curved, her body lays
like sunset on lazy desert days.

Beautiful!
Thank you!
Lavender

Thanks Lavender,

This one is about my wife, when I wrote it we were engaged. The feeling of being love was so strong for me I had to write a poem about it. I tried capturing that feeling with imagery from nature. Thank you for your input.

Hi Danel

Good change in title...nice photo of you two ...

wish you both a long journey full of love...

be well..

I can see...

the love just dripping from every branch here; and I can understand the reluctance to include it in the category of stuctured
western. However, it is a variety of structure and western. The structure is in the obvious rhyming of lines in a predictable manner. Good job. ~ Geez.
.

hello,

the whole poem is just breath taking! every line has perfect clarity. she is a lucky lady, for certain! fantastic work!

always, Cat

Thank you. I did my best to

Thank you. I did my best to capture that feeling and essence of love.