Your words mean more, I know the score
You spoke to me of love and trust,
Then took my heart and made it burst
It hurt me so, It hurt me so
Now can you talk to me of love?
We both now know that love will die,
If trust of each is built on lies
I need to know, I need to know
I will await your words in truth
We need to work for better days
In that our love is safe always.
A truth is told, a truth is told
My love you have made me so blue
I gave my heart complete to you
My love you broke my heart in two
What did you do, what did you do?
A peace is descending on me
The Bottle said only have three
I have now taken nine you see.
I rest in you,I rest in you
Comments
brave attempt and a good poem to boot!
here is a reference for monotetras
http://www.poetrydances.com/monotetra.php
as you can see it is a very strict form.
Ron's concept mentioned suicide, where this end on a note of hope. I'll let Ron bash you for that.
Jess
I just thought I would try the form,
As you say it is quite hard.
Now I am not going to wait for Ron to hit me.
I have now overdosed and will put an end to the damn poem lol.
Take care young Jess,
Know we are walking with you,
Yours Ian.T
Ouch
Forced to try this once myself in 85 and failed miserably. Can't say anything negative...don't know better. I do like the redundancy of lines in each last line. It reminds of how I mumble a retort to my wife under my breath and she still says, "what did you say"? Makes me snicker everytime. I gonna enjoy you guys.
Ouch
Forced to try this once myself in 85 and failed miserably. Can't say anything negative...don't know better. I do like the redundancy of lines in each last line. It reminds of how I mumble a retort to my wife under my breath and she still says, "what did you say"? Makes me snicker everytime. I gonna enjoy you guys.
Raven
Thank you very much for commenting on this one, it is part of the workshop of Jesses, I wrote a piece for Fibs X 2, Preciouses Idea and this one.
On the first one I had 12 comments one way or another, and on the next two hardly anything.
So we just have to see what gives with the rest of the workshop poets.
Thanks again, Yours Ian.T
Hello Ian
A lovely Monotera indeed especially it doesn't meet Ron's expectations and ended almost happily.
I thought I stumbled on some lines as I read aloud ,so some re-work needed. I know you can give them a smoother read :)
Rula
Your visit is always welcome, I will at a later stage of the workshop work on this a little.
The form is very strict Tetra something and as you probably know I have never been one for writing true to form so this exercise has been an odd experience for me 8 syllables per line and a story plus the repeated last line of two times four syllables etc: lol
I changed the end where the person took their own life to please Ron, LOL
We have to press on, Jess is taking a rest for a week or may be a few days, we need to keep commenting on the workshop entries.
You take care out there,
Yours Ian.T
Ian
Definitely a subject matter that I would not expect from you. I think you did well with the subject matter. The poem itself is eloquent as your work so often is, yet pointed at the end. The last line is my favorite as it leaves a haunting feeling.
Good day to you sir,
Scott
Scott
I have tried on this one to expand my sphere of writing as with the dark ones, they mean nothing to me but it is the way of the world where a bomb has more effect than a cure for an illness or some other discovery our brilliant science workers are endeavouring with..
See how bad it gets when I write about "Digits" bad ways lol.
I am having a break at this moment in that I am writing outside of my usual ways.
I need some input as to what to write about as a challenge it is becoming dull to write about the same things each time that's why Digit and Cata were invented.
Thanks for your visit,
Oh and I do try the odd piece according to forms of poetry sometimes, These three were for Jess, just to let him know that he has taught me something lol,
Take care and thanks again for your visit,
Yours Ian.T