A girl without her mother is a girl without herself
She is only half of what she could be
So she puts her emotions on the shelf
And Locks it away cause she hates being free
A girl without her father is a girl without her father.
She’s fine, except for the hate.
His absence will never hinder her
But the anger will fire her fate
A girl without her mother is a girl without herself
She will ache every day
Everything she does is a reflection of self
And how she wished mother would stay.
A girl without her mother is a girl without herself
She will forever be missing a piece.
Because my mother makes me who i am
She’s the reason I can find peace
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The repetition of the line "A girl without her mother is a girl without herself" creates a strong thematic focus in your poem. The contrast between the absence of the mother and the father is effectively portrayed through the emotions of hate and anger. The use of rhyme and rhythm adds a musical quality to the poem. Consider exploring more varied imagery and metaphors to deepen the emotional impact and create a richer tapestry of feelings. Additionally, expanding on the consequences of the mother's absence beyond the emotional realm could add layers of complexity to your piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
the affirmation...
of your love for your mother is probably a universal one. The "other one", as you put it, is merely the biological part. That happens far too often, and I think it is almost thought of as being "normal". You have made it clear that you love your mother and look to her for guidance. The rhyming of the sound-a-like words makes for an interesting bit of dialogue. I would usually avoid that kind of thing, but it shows that you do have a sense of rhyme; so, I would try to improve my vocabulary. Read, read, read. Read the poets that you find interesting and look at how they use their words. Good luck and happy reading. ~ Geezer.
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Hey geezer! Thanks so much
Hey geezer! Thanks so much for the advice, I’m actually currently reading some Oscar Wilde stuff! I’ll try apply your guidance to my next work. Thank you so much, have a wonderful day!