!
LORNA
You glide between the coral heads
Then slowly traverse oyster beds.
Keep to the dappled light, for dark
Might hide a twelve-foot Mako shark.
A flick of flipper scares away
Inquisitive huge Manta Ray,
Who leaves with such majestic flight
His shadow blocks the warm sun's light.
Though none can see, I know you smile
At clouds of Clown fish, colours wild,
This warm, exciting, fish-filled sea
A wonderland for you, not me.
For I am bounden to the shore
While you have oceans to explore,
My time for exploration's past
But you: Go For It ! Life goes FAST!
Comments
This is very good!
You glide/ between/ the co/ral heads Then slow/ly tra/verse oys/ter beds. Keep to/ the dap/pled light/, for dark Might hide/ a twelve/-foot Ma/ko shark. A flick/ of flip/per scares/ a-way/ In-qui/ si-tive huge Man/ta Ray, Who leaves with such/ ma-jes/tic flight/ His sha/dow blocks the warm/ sun's light. Though none/ can see/, I know/ you smile/ At clouds/ of Clown/ fish, col/ors wild, This warm/, ex-cit/ing, fish-filled sea A won/der-land/ for you, not me. For I/ am bound/en to the shore/ While you/ have o/ceans to/ ex-plore, My time for ex/plo-ra/tion's past But you/: Go For/ It ! Life/ goes FAST!
Eddie, your forgot to choose Advanced formatting
BEFORE you pasted in the poem, that's why you lost formatting.
You glide/ between/ the cor
You glide/ between/ the cor/al heads
Then slow/ly traverse/ [the?] oyst/er beds. [something funny in the scanning here]
Keep to/ the dapp/led light/, for dark
Might hide/ a twelve/-foot Mak/o shark.
A flick/ of flipp/er scare/s away
Inquis/itive/ huge Mant/a Ray,
Who leaves/ with such/ majest/ic flight
His shad/ow blocks/ the warm/ sun's light.
Though none/ can see/, I know/ you smile
At clouds/ of Clown/ fish, col/ours wild,
This warm/, exciti/ng, fish/-filled sea
A wond/erland/ for you/, not me.
For I/ am bound/en to/ the shore
While you/ have oc/eans to/ explore,
My time/ for ex/plorat/ion's past
But you/: Go For/ It ! Life/ goes FAST!
Fine Iambic Tetrameter, beautifully expressive in image and intent.
Who is Lorna?
traverse
Jess, I think the word" traverse" is the culprit, my stress is on the first syllable.
Thanks for the kind words.
Ian
Jess and Ian.
Don't panic. I saw the same thing and looked it up. All three of my dictionaries has "traverse" accented on either syllable. There seemed no difference in meaning when you chose one.
wesley
Jess,
A flick/ of flipp/er scare/s away
I saw a problem in your parsing with this line;
"flip-per" is seen this way in the dictionary, also "scares", no break in syllable.
I go only by the encarta or webster dictionary. which for me is the best way to parse a poem so as not to bring my own NY accent with a Spanish influence into it. per your instructions.
Respect to you Professor!
Eddie
...
Ediie, I would like you to write a few lines
Of your own idiom.
Too many people have complained that regional accents make a difference.
But the music of poetry is universal.
interesting,
will attempt it but i think that most will not understand. I will have to also do a minor street dictionary for the words we use in street conversation. We will see, that's why I say when we write, having a dictionary on hand is important so we don't go by the way we say some words out of bad habit and destroy the beauty of the written English
Eddie
...
Remember l said what I said about hearing the Iliad
recited in Ancient Greek? Didn't understand a word but the language was magic.
Yes, I do remember.
Yes, I do remember.
Eddie.
I saw also what you saw. It is customary when dividing a word into syllables to split a double letter configuration down the middle. Hence, "flip-per", but I don't think it changes the scan if you don't. Jess was just in a hurry. wesley
it does at all,
I was just pointing it out. i know how much work is envolve in running a workshop. I have run one it's no joke.
Jess knows me, to say as well as you can know someone over the internet. I just try and help where ever I can.
Eddie
Lorna
Thanks Mark, glad you liked it. Lorna is the scuba-diving travelling masseuse who visits me once a month to knead the knots out of my neck and shoulders.
Ian