Twenty years have passed
since my best friend and i had spoken last
Originally legitimate reasons of concern quickly turn
into more profound statements of deterioration learned
Living in worry , based on mental stability ,
are leading causes of disappearances in most major cases
Anorexic indignations self- induced by lack of conformity
in societies reality leads to the harsh realism of the seriousness
in this situation
When beginning this life-long friendship,
Johnny Walker never suspected the capriciousness
Yukon Jack engaged in .. Johnny, solid strong stability driven was
prone to involvement as Yukon's best friend
Being to no avail, taking wind from the sail,
a call lost
due to untimely inspection
twenty years
never forgotten in the collection
When finally the day had come back around
Yukon was found in another town
due to be reunited soon
Hopefully all is not lost on the boob tube
MARKS PROSE
BEST FRIEND FOUND
After twenty years Johnny Walker found Yukon Jack.
Best friends since teen agers Jack suddenly disappeared in 1989.
The two originally met working for a florist in Chelmsford, MA.
Yukon lived at home in Chelmsford and Johnny had an apartment in Lowell, MA.
In 1988 mental illness had become obvious regarding Yukon.
Johnny was of some help as a friend but Yukon deteriorated.
Yukon had been seen eating from dumpsters.
It was also reported that he ate leftovers from restaurant tables.
Shortly after Yukon had appeared anorexic he disappeared.
Johnny received a call from Yukon in the winter of 1992 from a car on a freight train.
Yukon had hopped a car carrier on the B&M.
Yukon told Johnny that he was headed for Burlington, VT.
The call was cut short due to a train inspector.
It was the last time Johnny had heard from Yukon.
Twenty years went by.
Johnny often wondered what became of Yukon.
On April 17, 2012 Johnny received a call from Yukon’s mother Tuesday Jack.
Yukon had been found.
He was in NYC at Bells Chime Hospital.
The two, Johnny Walker and Yukon Jack, are soon to be reunited on Network Television.
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.
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Comments
FAR FROM FINISHED
With all thats going on I wanted to get this rough rough draft out .. when I first read your prose I felt you were talking about two alcohols lol but hope I did a little justice to your prose and will continue to tweak
Hi
Read this just before bed and will return in the morning to give it a good going over..........stan
a good transition
one small thing - grammar - did you mean
'Since me and my best friend had spoken last'
it did pull me up a little... but perhaps you meant to make it improper for a reason?
and
'Being to no avail, taking wind from the sail,
a call lost due to untimely inspection
twenty years
still lost in the collection' --- very clever imho
love judy
actually on recoflection
forget that grammar comment i made - after a couple of re-reads i really like it
love judy
Dear Precious,
I reallly liked what you did here. I wouldn't change a word of it! I really enjoyes this:
Anorexic indignations self- induced by lack of conformity
in societies reality lead to the harsh realism of the seriousness
in this situation
When beginning this life-long friendship,
Johnny Walker never suspected the capriciousness
Yukon Jack engaged in .. Johnny, solid strong stability driven was
prone to involvement as Yukon's best friend
always, Cat
I also played with the idea
I also played with the idea of showing YUKON JACKS perpective of things that happened
still a thought that is nagging me to no end
Hello
A good job of converting a difficult prose. A few ideas you can chew over :
L-2 since my best friend and I had spoken last seems to flow better
L-3 try once valid at start of line
L-8 change lead to leads or led
L-15 split into 2 lines between lost and due for clarity
L-17 change lost to gone to avoid close repeat of lost
L-18 change has to had
In the event that the grammar errors are intended to display a state of mind those can be safely ignore (as All these ideas can lol)...............................stan
HONESTLY
This prose had me a lil stumped .. My fiancee said I should "chill out " on it
that I was putting too much thought into it
which ended up being the truth lol
this "poem" is the result of all the things that I wrote
seperately patched together like a ragdoll whose pieces were never finished
I honestly didnt expect so many of you to actualy LIKE it!
Just wanted to put something together quickly in case TIME had his way with me and
didnt allow me to get much else done
I intend to work more on it and want to thank ya'll for the encouraging words !!
I'll suggest again
strip it back to its barest ideas and imagery and build a poem from that.
We can't be afraid of not realising the full vision of the aithor, or they would have written a poem.
On the other hand, we can do better, by allowing ourselves poetry.
Be hard
strip it back to its barest ideas and imagery and build a poem from that.
We can't be afraid of not realising the full vision of the author, or they would have written a poem.
On the other hand, we can do better, by allowing ourselves poetry.
Whhhhoooophhhh... Bamboozling! (scuze the pun!). Bit convoluted?
Whhhhoooophhhhh... Bamboozling! (scuze the pun!). This one took a few reads, & some wondeful wit & turns of phrase were very evident, Very tricky though... maybe I'm super weary, but I found it very convoluted... It IS very clever, I agree, just really hard to get through & make sense of... I will admit, I felt this a little with the Prose as well.... I had no idea what all the abbreviations meant, not being a US person, & just assumed all the characters must have been whiskey brands (yes?).
I think I need to come back when my head is clearer... great first draught on a tricky prose... (again. no offense on the Prose, it is clever also & well laid out as a working plain prose write), not sure how I'd have managed this... definitely think you have made a great start here...
Again, I completely agree with Jess for this workshop generally... I think we can't hang onto so much detail & retain the subtelety of poetry.
I sigh again... I AM inpressed.
Cheers
Anni
AT FIRST GLANCE
I too thought whiskey was the culprit ! But as I read the prose
more and more
it became clear with every word .. I still must say
This was not suppose to be the final outcome .
Only a mixture of random thoughts that came to mind
as I read deeper into the lives of
JOHNNY WALKER and the ever-elusive
YUKON JACK
but STAY TUNED!!
For this is only the beginning
of the conclusion
to my prose to poem entry
Hi precious
Getting better each time but it's getting time to try for a final edit. .........stan
prose and names
brought back to my times of eating out of dumpsters
and asking for ciggies
Im six one and large
how to be humble enough without
extra
starved too once in a mental fifties
rambling place out on the north stretch
tall windows with screens
down to one sixty
I found names on the road were
not needed
nicknames were safer and easier
to know and go by
so I found Johhny and Jack
hard to fathom although I understand
the use here
most of my old freindships were closed
for good reason and the drawbridge drawn
up
but I do remember calling people with a mittful
of change from city corners before the call
would go dead trying to get grounded with
the memories of people more stable
not staring at the sun and flying so close
to the sky
Im glad you wrote this as I like Mark much
and like this poem
I just throw in YUKON or WALKER
for less complications
for me
there is nothing like being driven to be on
the move restlessly
and the visions I remember from being starved
and freezing in an apartment stick with me
today more then the feasts and the ordinary
day or richs
A great poem though
and written with gusto
Thank You
wow
thanx for the support! im getting mixxd ones for this