Living Smile ((REVIEWED))

Good creativity Lovedly! I love the pattern of the poem. Very concise but needs the reader's scrutiny to unveil the language devices. The poem banged in my ears.

Short poems got my attention mostly when i read aloud to my self to hear the intent of the poet. A very slim verse but loaded with heavy figurative language therein.

like: young night (personifying the night), rubber of time, an indelible memory. These are the poetic ingredients that salted the poem to be officially served for all and sundry.

I believe a "smile does cost anything but achieves a lot. It please those who give it and harmless to those who received it. Although Its memory is just a short lived. But this type of smile i saw here is a very strong one which is not possible to forget. The persona in the poem is entangled firmly with her smile. Should i call her "an angel", maybe.

I was wondering this kind of smile which can't be erased by rubber of time. This lady's smile perhaps may be angelic smile which portrays kind and good. The smile unfolds the lady's beauty and its radiance.

the memory kind of thing. I guess most of poetry is about memories and the effects of them on us!
I would get rid of the word [just] in the first line. It makes the act of her dancing with you seem trivial.
Again, the use of the word [just] in the line " she left a branded smile upon my countenance." makes it seem a small thing.
Now, the use of [just] in the other places, does not carry the same meaning and is fine. I would do this work like this: [If you don't mind].

She danced that young night away with me
and left
an indelible memory

She simply waltzed away from me
as we were distant in dancing

Just merged into the glorification of existence
she danced away from me

She branded a smile upon my countenance
which cannot be erased
by the rubber of time

She lives in just my eyes

Hope this helps. ~ Geez.
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