It's really cold outside
The rain has stopped
But it's still moist and damp
And I'd rather stay inside. Abba
At this age running fifties
It's not so easy
In this skin
No longer twenties or thirties.
Outside is so cold and dreary
Like my sour attitude
Simply not in the mood
For messy yelling kids, feeling weary.
A fruit of my womb
Interjected her thought
You're bi-polar
Took me back with a boom.
My dungeon forever with me
I always remember
My castle, wide awake
Wishing they all leave me be.
The weather man predicted
The next three days of the same
Cold cold precipitation
Has me conflicted
Comments
hmm
I like the kind of casual rhyming thing you've got going on. short, and not so sweet, but that's the point right? a nice "in the moment" recollection. my only suggestions are to drop the word "she" in the fourth stanza, and change the second line in the fifth stanza to something like "i always remember" to shorten up the line a bit.
mag
Mag
Thanks I've made the changes you suggested and it works really good
i really like this barbara
A really melancholic train of thought... had my mood drop - well done
One thing - 'the rain has stop (stopped)
a typo at the end of line 2 stanza 3
and did you mean to write 'bio polar' instead of 'bi-polar'
a really good write
love judy
xxx
Judy
Thanks for reading and pointing out those pesky typos. I've made the changes.