She anchors with her thoughts and the heart
departed to the peaceful shores.
No waves will tear her apart.
She's been well-decked in faith.
She conquers ebbs, flows,
heroically,
while sailing
ahead,
Mum.
Jun 10, 2024
On Life's Boat-Deck
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses maritime imagery to convey a sense of journey and resilience. The metaphor of a boat is well-chosen to represent the subject's life, and the use of terms like 'anchors', 'shores', 'waves', 'decked', 'ebbs', 'flows', and 'sailing' consistently reinforce this theme.
However, the poem could benefit from a more detailed exploration of its central metaphor. For example, the line 'She's been well-decked in faith' is a strong image, but it could be expanded upon to give the reader a deeper understanding of what this 'decking' entails. Does it refer to the subject's beliefs, her experiences, her relationships, or something else entirely?
The poem's structure is also somewhat inconsistent. The first three lines form a complete sentence, but the fourth line is a fragment, and the rest of the poem consists of single words or phrases. This lack of consistency can be disorienting for the reader. A more uniform structure, or a clear reason for the variation, could improve the poem's readability.
The poem's final word, 'Mum', is a powerful reveal, suggesting that the subject of the poem is the speaker's mother. However, this reveal might have more impact if it were built up to more gradually. As it stands, it feels somewhat abrupt.
Finally, the poem's punctuation is inconsistent. Some lines end in periods, while others do not, and the first line contains a period in the middle. Consistent punctuation would help to clarify the poem's rhythm and structure.
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On Life's Boat-Deck
Hello, Rula,
What a beautiful tribute, and lovely nonet. It brings out the serenity and reflection in the Summer Image Prompt. You've shared tender thoughts of your Mother before, but this one truly reveals her spirit and your admiration for her, and the depth of your relationship. Quite special.
Thank you!
Lx
Dear friend
I'm so glad you felt the warmth of the relationship between me and mum.
She's certainly a strong woman and a hero. Seeing her,I became sure that Alzheimer's picks it's patients carefully. I'm saying this because she was/ IS (she's still alive fighting this ugly disease) a very special one. She was a well-educated mother, she could speak both Arabic and English fluently, she could rehearse hundreds of verses both in English and Arabic, a sport's-woman with many hand crafts, and not to forget a great wife who is still remembered by my 90 years old dad who STILL takes good care of her.
Sorry if I carried out , but wanted to say that she is my real star and no words shall ever give her her justice.
Thank you for reading, feeling, and commenting on this one..
It means a lot .
Dear Rula,
this is an exceptional write and tribute! I am glad you had such a lovely mother as depicted in your poem!
*hugs, Cat
Dear Cat
I am flattered that you come to read my poem and leave such a kind comment, and yes, I am lucky to have her. She's been our home's pillar before being attacked by an ugly disease called Alzheimer.
Appreciate your time dear.
Hi dear Rula
Bravo on the extended metaphor. I think it is beautifully done, and that mum, a great one word ending.
But your first line really caught me. I spent many minutes just contemplating it, following ideas it excited in my mind.
Quite an anchor I would say.
Tyro