judyanne
judyanne
Mar 04, 2013

life sentence

estranged from perfect love
by the tools for manifest existence

forgetting there will be
the moment of return
to when
time stands still

where is regained
the spirit brain
that filters less
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many

More from this author

Comments

brittle light

I don't know if I am reticent to comment on this because that is my typical way, or that I don't share the same metaphysical ideas as you reflect in this poem, or maybe because you are always so supportive of my work....
,,,but this isn't your poetic best, slightly clunky in execution. That is not bothersome to me, you excell so often. I wanted to be effusive in praise in my first comment in eons, but my little critque can't hurt a mentally tough cookie like you.

there, I said it!

you are one of neopoet's finest, and a lovely neopoet friend

with respect and admiration

Esker

Esker

12 years 1 month ago

perhaps the day..Cleaned the house and tidied the archives
soothing myself with walk with the dogs and then music..
creative fascinating music that forces me from the comfort
zone.....waiting for familiarity to jive me is not what makes the
Alive in me...

This has a whole new dimension for me Judy
a strong and subtle break in thoughts and
ideas that are not the worn rut of pop work

Im very dazzled with this............people travel and take
the bus pampered tottle along routes....when I travel
I take the alleyways and neath the bridges and see
the hard won hearts that brochures turn away from

I am unafraid of my decaying ego or self and the
more older I get the more I venture further to the
edge of the knowns.......This indeed is not an
ordinary poem and its wonderful for me...My very
own personal taste to savour these words in
this moment......I will return in a few days to pick
a favourite line...but for now I loved the whole
feel of it......Thank You!!

Rula

Rula

12 years 1 month ago

reading this few times, I could get something from the first few lines until I came to stanza three. May be it is only me or perhaps some punctuation would help to
to do the clarification

S

Reckon we all long for that prior place where all is perceived. .............stan

judyanne

for your fine comments
especially to you Al, for the honesty - i love that...
so glad this struck a chord with you Steve
Rula - the punctuation is within the verse and stanza setup (i hope)
thanks for 'getting' it Stan
love judy
xxx