raj

Mar 02, 2015

Life is Like a Merry Go Round

Life is like a merry go round
with its ups, downs and turn around
no matter when, where, even how
make merry, as much, in the now

Let go, set free, never be bound
Life is like a merry go round
hold on, hang on, lest it slip by
like a rare rainbow in the sky

Take risks, gamble, romance and dance
with roll of a dice, take a chance
Life is like a merry go round
plenty of riches to be found

For now trust in life after life
believe there to be less of strife
a soul shall seek a life around,
Life is like a merry go round

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

Wow!

That was really fast raj, and with much joy.
Not so sure if you can go with "round" "around" and "five" "shy"
I would over look them if I am the judge.
An enjoyable read indeed.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.

Rula

You are a tough teacher for sure....I knew the microscopic gaze of you and Judyanne would focus on this..lol

but tell you what? you may not have red Stan's contest syllabus, which says rhyme pattern is not mandatory....in spite of which i have been a good boy and tried to follow a rhyme pattern as much as my sonnetized mind could conjure..lol...so i guess you can spare me the stick...after all around and round are close cousins and so are five {pronounced as high Fy] and shy which i believe are distant cousins :)...having said that, i shall certainly work on those two rhymes...you may look out for the tweaks i would be giving this one..

thanks for the good wishes..

[grinning]

raj_sublime_ocean_cousins

hi
have we to compose and expose and repose and I suppose
all about and rout and stout and no doubt
cousins and raisins and masons only
do tell me
slowly slowly.... coolly coolly
willy nilly
but don't call me silly dilly
is this the kind of poetry votary
and
well I don't have many living ones
souls, wholes and holes
except many the ass types ....
who can we
dole pole or console
the hold their tail mail and derail

Hi Lovedly

I too wasn't aware of this form of poetry called Quatern. You will know more about it if you follow the March Contest Blog of Stan or under contest tab where he has explained it in detail. I just made a maiden attempt at it in this one.

Thanks for the visit and regards,

ok raj

thanks shall

you are short a syllable

in both stanza 3 verse 2, and stanza 4 verse 2

A good entry Raj
I like the theme and the refrain
Best of luck in the contest
love judy
xxx

Hi Judyanne

Thanks for noticing this one and your tie to read and your comment. I will check out on the shortcomings mentioned by you and tweak those weaknesses. I know I do not stand a chance to win the contest, yet attempted this new form as a learning experience.

Much love and regards,

Hi again Judyanne

Thanks to you I have noticed verse 2 of stanza 4 indeed to be a syllable short and fixed it to make it 8 syllable. Please do let me know if it works now.

As for verse 2 of Stanza 3 i think "with roll of a dice, take a chance" has 8 syllables. Please let me know why you say i am a syllable short in this verse too.

Regards,

sorry Raj

My mistake - I must've missed reading one of the 'a's
xxx

Raj

This is good ...Why have you withdrawn from the contest?
xxx

Judyanne

After my flirting with Ms. Sonnet, ..i just wanted to be sure if I can still write something worthwhile. Found this form a bit challenging..so gave it a mighty try which was the main objective...feels good that some of you from the top league found it worth contest grade..that's enough encouragement for me...

Regards,

congrats raj

i abandoned ms sonnet
in favour of a sonneteer
he was of sonnets
a muskateer

so now with sonnets
neither do i endear
nor do i any longer fear

The heck with the form.

It was good... I guess... I didn't really pay attention.
I was freaked out over the poetry.
"The poet has an advantage over other artists. He can actually dictate how his poem is read." Snow.
You forced me to read fast. That was amazing and closer to the heart of poetry than form and meter.
Well written.