raj
Aug 30, 2014

Life

Spectrum of moments
refracting bleak and bright shades
fading in to white

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

Leonard

This is a fine piece. I like the way the lines flow into one another and the choice of words.

Cheers

R

Thanks for stopping by and your comment. Good to know you liked the flow and choice of words.

Regards,

mand

mand

10 years 8 months ago

You sure are raising the bar with this one! Wow - I totally agree with Leonard. I think Barbara's work shop is going to be of a high standard!

Really good job!

Love Mand xxxx

R

Thanks for your visit and very generous comment. It has been a while since I posted something, in fact the first since visiting my son and daughter-in-law in Canada. Nice to know it worked out good enough.

Much love..,

lovedly

one day a cynosure
of many an eye
that I do assure

your poetry enlightens me
more and more.....

what//who
am I to take such a decision
in the doldrums of poetic wisdom
I have no valid position

still I dare and say
my friend some day
one day
you will be what I do say

a prophet is always recognised
in a foreign land
now away from India in Canada you stand
now also my land!

R

Thanks for your generous comment and best wishes. I must confess though that I am still on a learning curve and have a long way to go. One thing is sure though that I am loving Canada, it's weather, nature, people. It is a great pleasure to have my evening walks too.

Regards,

lovedly

it's there where you belong
a foreign country is foreign only
makes u run
any time
so enjoy ur walk
i cut grass!

but frankly tell me
will I ever be able to learn ?

Rula

Rula

10 years 8 months ago

An amazing capture there raj. I couldn't think of anything to improve
I just wished those moments won't ever fade.
Great work!

weirdelf

I like to see scienctific knowledge incorporated in poetry. Many great scientists were also fine poets.

I question the use of he word 'fading' in the last line, if something fades it ends up black, not white.
Perhaps words akin to 'mixing', 'blending', morphing', 'transmuting, 'transcending'.

R

Thanks for the visit and sharing your suggestion. I do agree with what you have said about outcome of fading in the scientific context. I wish to clarify that, here I had used "white" in the context of after life. Yet, your suggestion about changing the word "fading" and offering a few alternatives is appreciated and I am actively considering the same.

Thanks & regards,

lovedly

it just fades away
and merges into oblivion
which is actually
invisible

like gone with the wind

1. To lose brightness, loudness, or brilliance gradually; dim: The lights and music faded as we set sail from the harbor.
2. To lose freshness; wither: summer flowers that had faded.
3. To lose strength or vitality; wane: youthful energy that had faded over the years.

4. To disappear gradually; vanish: a hope that faded.

L

Lonnie

10 years 7 months ago

If more could be expressed in fewer words, I certainly don't know how! Your poem shows feeling, honesty, and a substantial backbone of wisdom that delivers a solid punch! Good write!

R

Thanks for your visit and your crisp and appreciative comment. Good to know you perceived a lot between those few lines.

Regards,

Seren

Seren

10 years 7 months ago

what a lovely little poem, I cant see anything to suggest

you really captured a fine picture in my mind as I read this

beautifully done hun

love and hugs Jayne xxxxx

R

I really appreciate your taking time to visit this poem in spite of the fact that you are recuperating after a major surgery. Your comment is like tonic and would keep me inspired to learn and write more.

Take best care.

Much love, hugs and very best wishes to get completely well soon...