Linger until,all life has gone
the road that lies ahead
be it narrow,be it long
In vain I seek to find the truth
remorse and pain the only proof
my eyes will tell the tale
of how,I lived
Of what has been my past
although I need no comforting
an empty lie,the form is cast
What has been done,still scalds and burns
who knows, which way the path will turn
lesson given,lesson learned
The end it calls ,I will not hear
let go , of what you once held dear
release the hold
then rid the fear
Comments
Lon
thanks, I did drop the is but I have to give that thought I may change it back to meet with the heartbeat
don't know this is all new to me I leave it to the die hard pros to help me out on this one. As I would like to learn more I see how having the basics of structured writing can help with freestyle. Eh just thought I would dabble
The cadence is perfect. There
The cadence is perfect. There is wonderful musiic in this poem as well a a truth we all share.
Joe
P.S. in vAIn :)
Joe
Many thanks for reading. I fixed it. You know writing in meter makes you stop and think about what you are writing
. I'm learning I think lol
Chrys
Typo made no difference. It
Typo made no difference. It is a beautiful poem.
Joe
hi Chrys
I like the perseverence called for here. You might consider starting line 2 with on or upon..........stan
Hi Chrys,
Very profound! I relate on a personal level. I think line 2 is good as is, but then I'm not a pro. I just liked how it sounded as I read it. You might want to check your comma placement, but that is piddling and nit-picky. Favorite lines are:
What has been done,still scalds and burns
who knows, which way the path will turn
lesson given,lesson learned
always, Cat