scribbler
Feb 06, 2018

LESSONS

My life is richer from where I've walked,
the things I've seen, the words we've talked.
For my journey to the now
was formed by all of this somehow.

The view of mountains far away
gave to me my need to roam
and see new country every day
distant from my simple home.

The upward trails gave my legs strength
and fortitude to see things through
no matter the path's slope or length
I sought to gain the summit's view.

The level spots taught me contentment,
to treasure when the path was smooth
with no concern to where it went
for I had little left to prove.

And the uneven rocky ways
where I'd often trip and fall
sometimes traced by icy glaze
showed that I could take it all.

And every time we would converse
I'd see yet one more point of view
expanding my own universe
but bringing me straight back to you.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: For Susan on valentines

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

Geezer

that I could think of a more beautiful way to express my love to the woman I have spent so much time with! No fault anywhere that I can see. ~ Gee.
.

R

raj

7 years 2 months ago

To expand on what Gee has commented this poem tells me the beautiful connection and support you have with Susan. I could actually visualize both of you conversing about such simple yet beautiful connection you have about the natural surroundings / landscapes you are blessed with....which you love to explore....simply beautiful...the title fits like a glove...it is indeed a lesson for all of us to appreciate the beauty we are blessed with

Regards...

Eumolpus

To me the poem centers around you, and you only introduce another in the last line. I would take that last line and repeat it at the end of every stanza. For example

My life is richer from where I've walked,
the things I've seen, the words we've talked.
For my journey to the now
was formed by all of this somehow.
Bringing me straight back to you.

The view of mountains far away
gave to me my need to roam
and see new country every day
distant from my simple home.
Bringing me straight back to you.
Etc.

...

S

I like your idea and will smoke it over. But you are right about the abrupt introduction at the end so whether I use your specific "cure" or another I'll eventually do something about it. Appreciate the thought you put into this.......stan