Last chance to dance
thru leaves of gold
and brilliant red
your lifes' light now is waning
the end lies up ahead
the moon casts down
thru balmy skies
her jaded silhouette
and though you feel forsaken
your time has been well spent
your fear of endings pass you by
as lightly now you tread
a moment of ambiguity
reveals your true intent
you'll softly sleep in peace tonight
you've passed another test!
to each their own remembering,
the desire to recompence!
Apr 27, 2023
Last dance!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I just wonder what thoughts this brings to someones else's mind?
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Last Dance!" captures the melancholic yet peaceful tone of accepting the end of one's life. The vivid imagery of leaves of gold, orange, and brilliant red creates a sense of autumnal beauty, which is juxtaposed with the idea of one's life light waning and the end approaching.
The use of personification in describing the moon as casting down through balmy breeze and her tired silhouette adds depth to the poem. The line "your fear of endings pass you by" highlights the theme of acceptance and the willingness to let go. The poem ends on a hopeful note, suggesting that one can find peace in passing another test and recompensing in their own remembering.
One suggested line edit could be to change "thier" to "their" in the last line for correct spelling.
Overall, "Last Dance!" is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the message of acceptance and finding peace in the face of the end.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I know...
the exact emotion here. I am in my twilight years, my last dance through the red, gold and orange leaves. I want to 'recompensate' the ones I feel that I have given hardship. I want to make right, the times that I have done wrong. I get it!
The time I have spent rushing through life, not paying heed to the hurts that I have knowing or unknowingly caused. The times I have thought solely of myself.
The one thing that I would change about this piece, is that I would eliminate the word orange.
For some reason, the word just causes a hesitation. It is not a bad word, just one that might be better off not appearing in that line. Try removing it and you will see the difference. Maybe it is a word that should never be included in any poem? It just doesn't seem to fit in. It doesn't rhyme with anything; it has a jarring sort of sound. I like this poem; it coincides with my mood and the meaning is clear. ~ Geezer.
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Concerning Last Dance,
I'm glad that it affected you this way. I wanted it to be pleasant to read.