THE LADY

She unlocked me
with "help me
I'm a lady with a story
but it's not like jackanory,
more like "poor me".
I’m as helpless as a kitten.

"I need you like a compass
to guide me through this morass
caused by an unfaithful tight ass
whose bitch resides in Sweden
but it will be no Eden
when I’ve cooked his goose."

"I'm going to slowly roast his member,
the very essence of his gender,
from now until November
by which time it'll be an ember
and his Veg will burn in hell."

So I listened with some patience
to her tale of "I'm no sadist,
but he's deader than a haggis
if I have my way"
"I'll f*ckin' have his balls off,
he's like some Boris Karloff
that scares me every day."

I listened one more time
to this "Lady" Eglantine,
sweeter than a briar
but with spikes as sharp as wire
and found myself, once bitten,
as helpless as the kitten
I thought she once would be.

So like a stupid fool
I broke the golden rule
and told her candidly
what she could do with me.
She laughed so much it hurt her
but I could not desert her
though now I’m going to lose her
when all I want to do
is "love" her
from here to eternity.

Or was it the other four letter word?
Don’t be absurd,
of course it was the other word.
Hmmm. Yes, definitely it was that word.
But it was the first one as well
............so far as I can tell.