THE KITE

I soared in the wind
Rose above the trees
I could have gone farther
Into space far up
To the stars and the sun
But the cord won’t let me go
It was only a wish
I am bound to it
With a little boy at the end
The boy understood my desires
Helpless though
He let go the string
But that which I thought
Tied me down
Was in truth
Holding me up

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: NGA

Favorite Poets: Inspired by an article in an old manuscript

Comments

Thank you

I have worked on the bits. Your interpretation is full of insight and it leads me into a new direction. Best wishes.

absolutely loved it.

absolutely loved it.
I wonder, could this be considered conceptual proliferation? Or maybe I haven't wrapped my head around it in the right manner.

Appreciation

I didn’t get what you mean by the concept of proliferation but this piece uses the will of the boy to fly embodied in the kite and the failure by the release of the string. Simple, it may seem, but a deeper reflection on the subject opens fresh insight. Thank you. Best wishes.

of metaphor...

Thank you, I am glad you like it. The kite is an extension of the boy. His feelings and thoughts come into play on one hand and a spiritual journey on the other as in Yenti’s insightful remarks. Best wishes.

The Kite

What a wonderful poem, drew me right in loved it! Line 5, I would omit, just my thoughts here :)

Hi Janice

Thanks, your remarks are appreciated and I am glad you like it. Lines 5 can be left out, I see what you mean, but its inclusion is an attempt to compliment the physical realm in line 4 by using stars – a relationship with human kind and a relationship with the sun – like the Egyptian Ra represents the Cosmic or the source of all things. May be this perspective is not clear in the body of the poem. Best wishes.