zuella
zuella
Mar 19, 2024

Kamikaze

“He loves me”
“He loves me not”
I say on the playground,
peeking at the flower to see.

12 years later
“Does he want me or what?”
“I don’t understand”
What a traitor.

I didn’t really change
I just evolved
From this loving little girl
To a teenage estranged

I’m told not to care
“It’ll pass you see”
But what if I don’t want it to pass?
It’s not fair.

What if I like this longingly dread
rechecking my empty phone
Waiting for a message that’s not to come
No more tears to shed.

I live for these moments of suffering
The nights filled with moping sniffles
I enjoy the prolonged silence from him
No more recovering

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Uhm so I tried to do a bit more like poem style? I’m not sure what to call it but I tried rhyming first and last words, but I feel it took away from what I was trying to convey within my poem. I don’t know, I’m trying to expand and get better and that starts with things I’m not good at. I hope you enjoy!

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: belgium

Favorite Poets: its basic but i adore Mr Wilde and ive been reading his stuff for a long while.

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Kamikaze" explores the theme of unrequited love and the emotional turmoil that comes with it. The use of the childhood game of picking petals off a flower to determine love, juxtaposed with the more complex emotions of adolescence, effectively conveys the speaker's journey from innocence to heartache. The repetition of phrases like "He loves me" and "What a traitor" adds a sense of rhythm and emphasizes the internal conflict experienced by the speaker. Additionally, the contrast between longing for love and embracing the pain of rejection is a poignant reflection on the complexities of human emotions. The poem successfully captures the bittersweet nature of unreciprocated feelings and the struggle to let go.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Hello, zuella,
I felt your title was spot on. This is exactly how it feels, especially when we are younger - self destructive. I liked the progression in the poem, and the sobering feeling at the end. The rhyme pattern is unique, but not unseen before, and yours is simple and unforced. Your poem is honest, and very relatable. This seems like a genuine, heartfelt poem and I like it very much. As far as learning more, we all learn everyday. Especially by reading poetry, whether here on this site, or poetry books. The more I read, the more my understanding and love for poetry grows. And not everything you write needs to be the "best" - but it will lead to the next poem, and the next, and the next...
Thank you!
Lavender

Candlewitch

I didn’t really change
I just evolved
From this loving little girl
To a teenage estranged

these are my favorite lines of your poem. keep on writing and posting...It is good to meet you, welcome to Neopoet. I look forward to reading more of your work. while you are here please read and comment on other poet's poems.

*hugs, Cat