I love your wildness
[Can you tone it down just a little?]
I love your humor
[But can you not laugh so loud?]
I love that you are spontaneous
[Please let me know next time?]
I love how you kiss me
[Don't do it in front of my friends]
I love snuggling with you
[How about after the game?]
I love how you dance
[Just not quite so sexy?]
I don't want to change you
[I just want you to want what I want]
Last Few Words: This is for anyone that wants to claim it.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Claimed
I love your shirt
(If it was more conservative)
I love your body
(If it was pierced)
I want you to be yourself
(If only you were June Cleaver)
So many hidden messages in simple sentences...glad someone understands
brilliantly put together
brilliantly put together
it Pops...
cool
( but sometimes some things do need to be said (changed).
Just because one is in a relationship does not mean he or she has fully matured
The "don't try to change me" attitude can be a deal breaker.
But still, the piece is about as perfectly presented as possible
Things do change
When you are in a relationship. We should all be trying to better ourselves on a regular basis because none of us are perfect but I think what the poem is referring to is when you basically turn yourself inside out for someone in order to please them and it still isn't good enough or they try to beat it/berate it out of you or things they knew about you before engaging in a committed relationship suddenly become a problem, can be a deal breaker as well. Where do we draw the line between loving someone so much that we would completely reinvent ourselves just for their happiness and losing major parts of ourselves that maybe don't need fixing?
Hi Carrie
Yes, there are a trillion ways a relationship can go sour
Line drawing should be determined out loud by the concerned parties
Most behaviors are contingent. When contingencies change, behaviors are modified for the new situation. Sometimes these changes need to be discussed.
The kind of man (Or woman, I suppose) that you are hypothetically describing I can't relate to, and pretty much sounds like a jerk... and always was
somethings can't be fixed
get the hell out.
Man, I can be a hard-ass at times......
I really liked the poem, and just had to add my two cents, for lack of better sense
thanks for your thoughts on the matter,
Some changes
are good and very much needed. Like you said sometimes, things cannot be fixed no matter how hard we try, it just isn't enough, which is kind of where my thoughts of I want you to be yourself (if only you were June Cleaver) came into play. :)
Thank you all for...
your thoughts on this piece. I'm glad that I could show that there are some out there that understand
the pressure on people to become whatever someone else wants. Like Al says, there is always room for improvement in a person and relationship, but there is also the thought behind it all, that some people will say that they love/like things about people just to get where they want to be with another, while thinking that they can always change those things that they really aren't so good with.
I'm sure that there are those that have experienced the same feelings about someone else. I love this about that person, but....if only... There are so many sides to our complicated relationships with other people, that blessed, are those that are truly content with who they are and the people that they are with. ~ Gee.
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Hello
Hi Gee. I just come back to neopoet and thought I'd check on some of my favorites. I think this is awesome! My kind of writing for sure.
Happy new year!
Captain
Thank you...
for naming me as one of your favorites! Glad you liked it. Let's see you do something like it! ~ Geezer.
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