Under a tree on a hill,
daylight silhouette,
a leaf fell blood orange death,
fell back and forth,
the tree exhaled winters breath.
I went to church with a bottle,
to meet withe the twelve apostles,
for atonement of tomorrow's plot,
for who I was,
and for who I was not.
I went to a movie,
my date was my dog,
our tickets were a gift,
in a black envelope,
a big fat spliff.
I went to the park,
to play in frozen fountains,
I stripped off my clothes,
revealing my bludgeoned heart,
burdened by hurts, nobody knows.
I went to a gallery,
to get lost in the abstract,
of original thought,
wasted replicated rumination,
was not what I sought.
Sitting in my kitchen
after scrubbing
the vinyl flooring
enjoying the smell
of the cleaners chlorine.
Textured surface
random colours
of faceless images
no features
just aimless scrimmages.
I walk now these days,
not part of the rush,
to have coffee on the walk,
to watch life,
rarely I talk.
Not wanting to waste words,
or ruin another canvas,
I look for the raven,
he makes sense,
if my soul is worth saving.
Suddenly I realized,
am I looking for God?
Or is God looking for me?
Avoiding my part,
who He wants me to be.
Comments
Trekker
A very good write, that seems to show a depth of loneliness.
Probably time to stop and really look at what is around you in reality.
There in the field of vision is a reality that needs attending to, some where even a falling leaf must settle and become aware, and you cannot blame a God in any way.
Now look inward and realise that you are as all people a Spirit seeking a resting place where you can spread out and be at peace..
Whoops! its not even Sunday..
Take care out there,
Yours Ian..
I will agree...
with the Sparrow, that you have shown a very lonely side of life and it is done well. I like the pattern of the rhyme and everything seems to flow great. The theme is well thought out and not until the end do I see where it is leading. Very nicely done! ~ Geezer.
.
your poem
I like the first 7 stanzas which describe the day, with some cute plays of words and events. you then switch to "these" days and go into an abstraction of god and soul which does not flow from the events of the day. How all the events of the day will be redeemed, will have purpose of meaning, or if any meaning is actually needed, is where I would prefer the poem to go.
The last three stanzas, you might consider, are themselves a different poem. Other than the fact that I know you are a painter, I would edit the illusion to canvas which might confuse a different reader... This is a good poem:
I walk now these days,
not part of the rush,
to have coffee on the walk,
to watch life,
rarely I talk.
Not wanting to waste words,
or ruin another canvas,
I look for the raven,
he makes sense,
if my soul is worth saving.
Suddenly I realized,
am I looking for God?
Or is God looking for me?
Avoiding my part,
who He wants me to be.
Just a Day
I thank you all for your comments. They have been healing.