Eduardo Cruz

Jun 25, 2011

This poem is part of the workshop:

Cliches and their use

(Read More...)

It only comes once /re-write- (cliches workshop)

I ask you to be careful
keep it hush hush
it’s best they don’t know

Now they’ll see it
as nothing
in scheme of things

I am truly interested
to see the end of this

Just close your mouth
so it doesn’t come
toppling down

This way you’ll be free
to do as you please

Some evils are necessary
too do what you must

Steel yourself
for what is to come

Your about to embark
on something
that will be tough

I am scared for you
but it’s possible
you might reach the top

I hope they don’t find out
this game that you play

There will be times
when the going gets tough

You’ve wanted this
like an itch
that needs to be scratch

Now do what you feel
show them all who you are

This endeavor
only happens once
take it by the horns and hang on
with all you got

Your thinking must be deep
if you expected it to work

I see many scenarios
in my head
so go head and make your start

begin this long term plan
and be counted
for this is your final chance

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Wow, does this poem suck! Still I learned something, stay far away from cliches. Chrys I paid some one to hunt you down! LMFAO

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda

Comments

Eddie

I like this smooth flowing poem. the splashes from it is as refreshing as jumping in a swimming pool on a hot summer day

Barb

I thank you, but to tell the truth it just sounds like crap to me! LOL

Eddie

Chrys

It's not safe from you even in Crooklyn!! LOL

I have to say it is incredibly interesting write this way, even though I suck at it. I'm still having fun.

Fast mad Eddie,
Don't be suprised when I come rolling out of the night. Hahahaha!

Eddie

A good job, but it still retains the cliche elemant, especially in Stanza one.

Lou

lou

Isn't that what we're suppose to do. write without the cliches yet hear them in the words, without them being present?
If so then I think I did what Chrys asked us to do?
yes?

Eddie

Yes you are right but I thought the idea was to try not to be cliche, and my point was that you still need to work on that.

No offence meant.

Lou

Eddie Boy!!

this is a good one..not sure though that this is worth a podium finish...(just humor)...the attempt surely is nice i enjoyed it....

Eddie

Eddie,

good job and so much better than your usual nonsense!! only kidding, I know how hard it is to re-write these poems and you did good my friend, but Ian is right, the prize is his.