CCfire

Jun 03, 2011

>insert words here<

there are wiki leaks and
super-bugs
with
more changes
than superman
teen mothers
child drug addicts and
baby martyrs
waiting to be born
while we are
fucking one another
with our backs
against the wall
every moan
elicits reaction
your rasping breath
and salty sweat
grinds hips
in circles
whispers rise
the words are said
>oh god oh god<
as flaccidly
you recede
and like the power of prayer
i am left with nothing

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski

Comments

Thanks JC, yes the beginning

Thanks JC, yes the beginning was going to be much longer with the woes of the world but the two that stuck first were Assange and the fact a new viral superbug ecoli was discovered yesterday in Europe...but I may expand

Insert words???

Didn't expect that at all and I love it when that
happens. You know how when you are watching
a movie or reading a poem and the ending is so
obvious that there is no sense in finishing ... well
that certainly isn't a problem with this write, totally
enjoyed this read and all I can say is the right "tools"
can help anywhere, anytime.

thanks for posting here gal, you're a freshening for
an old spirit like mine.

Richard

I always have felt a poem

I always have felt a poem needed an 'aha' moment, glad you got one from this lol

Hmmm..........

Sound like time for a change in male companionship lmao.............stan

haha not necessarily a

haha not necessarily a personal event stan just a general observation that the world burns while people continue to procreate lol

....A poem at the peak of its

....A poem at the peak of its perfection and is all that and more!

Insert....admiration.

That's a wonderful comment

That's a wonderful comment Ana, thanks so much for reading

Surprising...

This did start out as just something to read, then as it progressed, I found myself saying: "Oh yeah, oh yeah! I then had the thought that you might be so bored with whomever you were with, that the first part of the poem might be describing watching T.V. as you were engaged in sex? At least my take. And Scribbler's too, I think! ~ Very well done, ~ Geezer

The poem itself deals with

The poem itself deals with this chaotic world and what transpires within and the sex is really a metaphor for humans who don't really give a flying toss for anything around them save their own personal gratification...I think I might leave the 'personal' nature of the rest out of it lol

If you permit me to add on

your last line needs a bit of modification

as flaccidly.... you recede and like the power of prayer

i am left with nothing????

when women pray for something
miraculous and creative
tis only then they realise
They have been
PROPERLY SEEDED....
and that is something,
no not nothing. ,
as a prayer needs to be answered
you know it
too.
???

Loved I know what you mean

Loved I know what you mean but I am not one of the overtly religious people who see that 'something exists' simply because we are told it does. Religion and all of its ordered trappings to me are a clever fairytale woven to keep the faithful under a churches control. That part is a play on rebelling against the thought of prayer actually achieving anything at anytime.