Each person you pass
is their own singular brew
in unique kettle
May 25, 2015
INDIVIDUALITY (Haiku for exploration of style shop) <kettle>
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Eastern
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Stan
The haiku's syllable count format is 5-7-5..
I counted 6 on your first line. Apart from that, I see no need for change and I liked the message in this poem.
Alid
Hi Alid
Nothing like showing my lack of ability to count lol. Try it now.........stan
Stan
you got it.
Alid
I had to
hold one hand open so as to not lose count again lol.........stan
Stan
6 on first count(need to lose one beat)
the rest follows through and makes sense
interesting use of words
Hi Chrys
brevity stumps me
in writing things like Haiku
back to school I go
hello Stan
I thought you'll need to change the whole first line and maybe part of the second to maintain the message you wanted in a 5/7/5 haiku though I've seen haiku of different syllable count and we are not restricted by one in the workshop, I think.
Hi Rula
Since writing Haiku in English is almost impossible then the least I can do is follow the generally accepted syllable count. Edit now done.........stan
an excellent write imo
Not nature ... but haiku has opened a little and now is not always restricted to that...
I think this is very clever, and thought-provoking .... just what haiku is supposed to be, except it seems to be missing a good cutting line....
Love judy
xxx
Hey Judy
Not Too bad for such a long winded guy who got Senryu mixed up with Haiku lol. Haste not only makes waste it also makes me stupid apparently .........stan