c lynn brooks
Oct 25, 2019

Incantations

One single voice cries n the night

bless me father
for I have sinned
I've traded my soul
for one night of lust

Another voice answers
to whom do you pray
to save what is now mine

Amid the writhing
creatures chant
the vile stench of the dead
and the dieing
permeating her nostrils
as the gasping for air is heard

To what end have I come
all for the sake of wanting
was it worth this

Incantations to the dark one
rise as she falls
deeper and deeper

Her eyelids open
to a darkened room
suddenly the flames rise
in the unlit fireplace
was she dreaming
she asks
as the chills play tag along
her spine

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Some Halloween fun

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north carolina usa, USA

Favorite Poets: Leonard Cohen

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

B

Hello c Lynn Brooks.....

If I had any criticisms at all.....then the simplicity of your poem....just zapped a wand at it....
but I will suggest.....you never switched the emotion.....and diction flexibility from stanza3......it made me stop seeing one sculpture throughout the poem....

This is what I think....not that it's what's plain true!!
Ur poems great.... just incase you didn't think so!!!

BasilHere!!

C

thank you for the read and suggestion and the compliment I appreciate i

Eumolpus

in this poem, punctuation would serve it well. Here's my take with a few edits. I kept it all in the first person. I dropped the first line.

"Bless me father
for I have sinned.
I've traded my soul
for a night of lust."

A voice answers,
"To whom do you pray
to save what is now mine?"

Amid the writhing
creatures chant
the vile stench of the dead
and the dyeing,
permeating her nostrils
as the gasping for air is heard.

To what end have I come
all for the sake of wanting
was it worth this?

Incantations to the dark one
rise as I fall
deeper and deeper.

My eyelids open
to a darkened room.
Suddenly the flames rise
in the unlit fireplace.
"Was I dreaming?",
The chills play tag along
my spine.

C

does not require punctuation as long as there are line breaks I have studied the rules and teach it

Eumolpus

I have written many free verse poems, (including a book of 60 poems) no punctuation, all lower case, no specific margins...It's not about rules. It's about what works, and i think punctuation fits especially when a poem has a lot of quotes and poses questions. That was what prompted my suggestion.

C

Understood no argument here . I thank you for taking the time to read and offer input and will take to heart your comments
Chrys

C

yes I agree and within the realms of freeverse believe it or not there are no rules per. I will be holfing s wrokshop on freeverse in the very near future if interested

Geezer

to say, was; If there are no rules, that's a rule! LoL And yes, I do imagine that my free-verse is maybe a bit rusty, so if you have a workshop on free-verse...
~ Geezer.
.