scribbler
Mar 05, 2011

IMPEDIMENTS

Down here it's seldom snow, but rain
that causes me to chance refrain
from walking down a well worn trail
through beloved wood and boggy swale

And upon reaching a clear cut wood
where two years ago the poplars stood
it's mostly thickets, briers, and brambles
trying to ban my sylvan rambles

While beneath a shady canopy
it's an old stump hole that I don't see
that engulfs my leg up to the calf
and makes me stumble on the path

On hill sides often a ravine
as deep and steep as any seen
bar my reaching the other side
where lies a copse both flat and wide

Should I walk without a care
there will always be a vine to snare
my foot thus causing a near tumble
and myself to deprecations mumble

There will come a day quiet and still
when I shall top my final hill
will there be impediment that day
to bar me then from going away?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost

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Comments

S

then I will merely say thank you.............scribbler

M

You will make it to the hill for your determination is set forth in this write. I have one line that I stumbled upon here:

where lies a copse both flat and wide

Is it a corpse both flat and wide? I guess I need to check dictionary for a copse could be like a revene in the trail. Let me know

I like the depth of this write and I got the visual on it as you trampled in the hole. Boots on of course:)

There will come a day so quiet and still
when I shall top a final hill
will there be impediment that day
to bar me then from going away?

Another few suggests if you don't mind my Scribe

There will come a day quiet and still
when I shall top that final hill
will there be impediments along the way
to bar me then, from going away?

Just my wee thinking and you let me know if I am off or not. I do think it is a very explicit free verse and talks of how you see over the revene to the hill in the not so distant future or on your walk in the woods. Great imagery

Love Magics Mona
Missed you!!.

S

I believe a copse is any stand of trees on any type terrain. Also in last stanza I'm wondering what might impede me from crossing over on my final day as I've already described many things that have impeded in my journey thus far. I appreciate your suggestions and will take them under advisement upon editing..................stan

R

raj

14 years 1 month ago

as always you take the reader on a walk ...you have that gift of the gab and the good thing is that you like to share your experiences....what a wonderfull story teller you are...kids would go crazy listening to you tell a tale... they very well could be...

warmly..

S

you are not the first to tell me I don't know when to shut up (just kidding). I'm always pleased to have company on my journeys...........................stan