Rula
Rula
Jun 03, 2024
This poem is part of the workshop:

How to use imagery in poetry..

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On The Imagery Land

Upon the Land of Imagery I land, Oh,
In search of endless mystery.
I pick its ripening fruits, to grow
With its seeds the poetry tree.

I've toured around for years its highs
For there's more ... a poets call,
Some fruits delight the tired eyes,
Some sing, some drawl and squall.

I've seen the cream, sour and sweet;
They trigger up tremendous arts.
Some soft and silky, they gently treat,
While others hard as stony hearts.

On Imagery Land go find me,
Painting pieces of poetry.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and

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More from this author

Comments

neopoet

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "At The Imagery Land" is a metaphorical exploration of the creative process, using the concept of a land filled with different types of fruits to represent various elements of poetry. The poem is well-structured with a consistent rhyme scheme, which helps to maintain a rhythmic flow throughout.

However, there are areas that could be improved for clarity and impact. For instance, the phrase "I pick it's ripping fruits to sow" could potentially confuse readers as 'ripening' might be a more appropriate term than 'ripping'. Additionally, the use of the possessive "it's" is incorrect here; it should be "its".

In the second stanza, the phrase "some sing, some wrawl and squall" could be more effective if the meaning of 'wrawl' was clearer. If the intention was to use a less common word to create a unique effect, it's important to ensure that the meaning can still be inferred from the context, which is not the case here.

The third stanza offers a nice contrast between different types of fruits (poems), but the phrase "they trigger up tremendous arts" is a bit vague. It could be more impactful to describe specifically how these fruits inspire or create art.

The final stanza is a strong conclusion, inviting the reader to seek out the speaker's own poetry in this metaphorical land. However, the phrase "a masterpiece of poetry" could be perceived as self-aggrandizing, which may not resonate well with all readers. It could be more effective to convey this idea with a bit more subtlety.

Overall, the poem effectively uses metaphor and imagery to explore the concept of poetic creation. With some revisions for clarity and impact, it could be even stronger.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

10 months 3 weeks ago

critique this one as I would any other.
There are a few places that I think could use a little smoothing over.
This is how I would do this one:

In the Land of Imagery I land,
in search of endless mystery,
I pick the ripening fruits to eat,
and sow the seeds of the poetry tree.

I've toured around for years, its highs
for there's more... a poet's call
Some fruits delight the tired eyes,
some sing, some crawl and squall.

I've seen the cream, the sour and sweet
they trigger up tremendous arts.
Some soft and silky, they gently treat,
while others hard as stony hearts.

In Imagery Land, come find me,
writing masterpieces of poetry.

~ Geez.
.

Rula

Rula

10 months 3 weeks ago

I'll look into your valuable thoughts and see the best way to implement them to improve this piece.
Appreciate your time.

S

I see you went ahead and wrote a new poem. No problem. This new poem has a lot more imagery. With your permission I will copy and past this poem with a few changes included :

Upon the Land of Imagery I land, Oh,
In search of endless mystery.
I pick its ripening fruits, to grow
With its seeds the poet's tree.

I've toured around for years its highs
For there's more ... a poets call,
Some fruits delight the tired eyes,
Some sing, some drawl some squall.

I've seen the cream, sour and sweet;
They trigger up tremendous arts.
Some soft and silky, a gentle treat,
While others hard and rough as stony hearts.

On Imagery Land come and find me,
As I paint pieces of poetry.

Candlewitch

I see that your poem shall be a winner, with your fine mind combined with the best of the best!

*hugs, Cat

Rula

Rula

10 months 3 weeks ago

You simply made my day.
I'm already a winner having a friend like you.
Thank you for your kindness.