in that place
of seclusion
where the air
becomes thin and tight
I have grown pale
in the waiting
I have dreamt you
I have taken you
deeply in
penetrating my lungs
spackling my spirit
with all the textures
of your soul
you kindle my senses
with utter anticipation
and still
with all the silence
of my reaching
I am pale in the wanting
Jan 23, 2017
Idle Blue
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Very good
strongly worded and descriptive, this section is exceptional,
I have taken you
deeply in
penetrating my lungs
speckling my spirit
with all the textures
of your soul
I am of course aware that spackling is a trademark word used in North America but I doubt whether that was your intended meaning.
thank you, Keith,
I always appreciate other poets telling me what they like about my poem...very generous of you, thank you again :)
always, Cat
my feeling is....
I've read this a few times and keep coming back to your health and wondering if this is written for 'Him'......that you are have taken 'Him' into your heart and are dreaming of a time when 'He' welcomes you and relieves you of the suffering you've endured and still are. I'm not saying that you are ready yet, at least I hope not cos I selfishly, I still need you here, but that when you say:
'where the air becomes thin and tight
i have grown pale
in the waiting....'
and then
you kindle my senses
with utter anticipation....'
these parts especially took my thoughts to where I've expressed
I may be way off here and if so PLEASE tell me!!!
BUT even if i am, i still enjoyed the read and know it was written from the heart!
ox,
val
dear val,
worry not...I am not going anywhere. I'm glad you liked the poem. it is about how I felt about Steve when we first met. I'm always writing poems to, and about Steve, my best friend and love of my life!
*major hugs, Cat
good to know....
Thanks for letting me know I was a bit off...to say the least!
I think Steve is so blessed to have you in his life and I do believe he knows it too! We both have found amazing 'muses' which is makes writing poems even more worthwhile. One of these days I hope to have mine as close to me as you do yours. I so wish you guys still lived in Ohio...i'm brain dead at the moment as to exactly where you said but as I recall it wasn't that far from where I am!
Again I appreciate your filling me in and now that I know where your head was at when writing this, I can see your love for Steve shining thru!
OX, val
hello Val,
we lived in a suburb of Cleveland, named Medina. thanks for reading my poem again. and thanks for the great support you provide me!!!
*Major hugs, Cat
Cat
A voyage into the depth of feeling well written, and I think you wrote it without thinking of what to say, it seemed a natural write, where the writer drifts into a dream of things now and in the past.
Words that seep into the feelings of maybe love but could be deeper..
Yours as always, Ian..xx
dearest Ian,
you understand me very well :) thank you so very much!
*hugs, and love, Cat
amazing poem
that sigh..exultations
in....and out..
that rush of emotion
in memory or sight
treasures held
dreams visage...
all there...
life is a voyage
thank U Candlewitch
Mr Wolf!
dear Mr. Wolf,
absolutely!!! you are right on the money! (an old exclamation) thank you for your comment and support.
*hugs and smiles, Cat
hello Indie,
nice too meet you. thanks for reading and commenting!
always, Cat
hello Starry Poet!
thank you so very much for your brilliant and complimentary critique of this poem :) I did mean to use the word "spackling". it is a wall treatment that adds texture. I didn't realize that it was only done in North America. it is real nice to meet you!
always, Cat
there was a time cat ma'am
There was a time cat ma'am
when you read me
and
my silly gun machined poetry
and
at times you said
You'd liked it ..
Much water has fallen
through the heights of Niagara
AND
more shall
but it's been a long day
in the battle of my life
since you last read me
has my poetry been anchored lately
ma'am cat
do tell me
be free
to pierce
as you may feel
dear sweet Lovedly,
I am sorry that I have neglected you lately. I have reduced my computer time to Tuesday and Thursday, for health reasons. that may change when I am better. my doctor changed some of my medications due to high blood pressure. we are waiting to see how I do, and according to the results he may or may not change it again. the meds I am on now have me feeling slow and lazy and without much energy. so I imagine he will be changing it again. you aren't the only one I have neglected to read, so please don't feel snubbed. I miss you and others, like Scribbler, Geezer and Ian, just to name a few. *hugs to you.
love, Cat
Dear Cat
I am sorry to hear of your problems. My wife had high blood pressure which aggravated one or two other conditions. I have low blood pressure which seemingly is nowhere near as problematic.
dear Keith,
thank you for the thoughtful comment. it is much appreciated. (and congrats on the election.) my regards to your wife. I've heard that low blood pressure is easier on the heart. is that true? have a great week. I wish for few complications on your new post on Neo.
*hugs, Cat
Hi Cat
Yes, I think low blood pressure is a positive thing (within limits). It certainly has not done me any harm. As for the new post n Neo, I still don't know yet what that is going to involve but am excited anyway.
i visited your sites all over Cat
am confused whether
you are like HG WELLS
or vice versa.
Blood pressure
is not a disease
when I went for my medicals
a doc said
''no air travel''
but I insisted
whether or not
I would
He gave me ten tablets
asked me to buy more
if I survived the flight
That was only 5 years
down memories lane
and
I did not from medicine gain
I abandoned
It's more
that we must reduce
our loneliness
our isolation
and
superficial stress
and
forced darkness
abstention
I have a lady friend taking
BP MEDICINE
since passed
two decades
I did not take
even those ten
What I am
trying to say
most diseases
are psychosomatic
keep docs in hand
yet in the deepest bay
when your heart beat starts to pound
meditate
you may take the medicine
the doc says
just in case....
believe him
as he is a specialist
but also pray
and
ask him how from medicine
to stay away
he will simply hmmm and bray
so happily pass the day
from darkness
and
dark poetry
stay away
life when one is smiling
and
also making others laugh
lasts
passes
more hopefully at last
may not be that fast!
Hope you will consult the doc
ere he does me blast!
dear lovedly,
LOL! thanks for the poem :) I really enjoyed it!
I do meditate and use relaxation techniques before I fall asleep. I'm on yet, a new medication. I Hate and Resent having to takes drugs of any kind. the older I get, it seems, the more drugs I must take. if left to my own devices, I wouldn't take anything but a multi vitamin! but my husband, Steve is a nag and he gets very upset with me if I don't. oops... I would also take my ambien...I have become an insomniac. if I don't take my sleeping pill, I don't sleep. I also sing myself to sleep :)
love, Cat (& eddy)
Dear Cat.
Never worry about us here, as from all your input so we find you.
Our love to your interaction on Neopoet, no matter how long you are on the site, is safe.
I send you healing and stop worrying about time spent here.
Your health is the most important to us all..
Take care little lady and know you are loved by many,
Yours as always Ian..xxx
dearest Ian,
the healing energy you so lovingly send to me is received with a receptive and grateful heart and soul. you have made my day! I wish for you to have all the good the world has to offer.
love, Cat