I can’t stop my emotions
They eat at my heart
Can’t slow down the thoughts
Gonna rip me apart
Maybe I’m crazy
Damage already done
I feel all fucked up
Maybe ‘mother’ has won
Can’t seem to settle
My thoughts won’t slow down
Frustrations taking over
My face it does frown
Hate feeling this way
I hate being me
I can’t fucking handle it
Can’t anyone see
Wish I could end it
Wish I had the guts
But I only take pills
So maybe I’m nuts
I feel safe in here
But my anger it grows
I’m trying to be good
But my frustration shows
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I change
With each passing moment
I feel more deranged
Someone please help me
Tell me I’m alright
Don’t want to be my father
Who will never again see the light
I hate feeling this way
I know not what to do
Can’t stop these feelings
I hate feeling blue!
Comments
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "I Wish" effectively conveys a sense of emotional turmoil, frustration, and despair. The repetition of phrases such as "I hate feeling this way" and "Can't stop these feelings" reinforces the speaker's struggle with their emotions. The use of colloquial language and raw, unfiltered expression adds to the authenticity of the speaker's emotional state.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. While the repetition of certain phrases can be effective, the overuse of words like "hate" and "can't" can make the poem feel monotonous. Incorporating more diverse vocabulary and metaphors could add depth to the speaker's emotions and make the poem more engaging.
The poem also seems to lack a clear structure. While free verse can be powerful, the lack of consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme can make the poem feel disjointed. Experimenting with different forms and structures could help to enhance the poem's overall flow and impact.
Lastly, the poem could delve deeper into the speaker's experiences and emotions. While the poem effectively conveys the speaker's despair and frustration, it doesn't provide much insight into why the speaker feels this way. Providing more context or exploring the speaker's emotions in more depth could make the poem more relatable and compelling.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
I hear...
your frustration at not being able to cope.
Pretty good for rhyming, but a little shaky with the rhythm.
Here are a couple of ideas to smooth things out:
Damage is all done
I'm feeling so fucked up
My face, does its' frown
Never again, seeing the light
~ Geezer.
.
Hi Geezer
Thank you for the constructive criticism. :)
dear Carrie,
It sounds like you have had a Hellish childhood! Your poem is quite passionate and I understand the language usage. I can really relate to your poem because I had my own issues with my mother. these lines are very powerful:
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I change
With each passing moment
I feel more deranged
that is exactly how I felt just before I saw my first therapist. everything turned out okay.
*hugs, Cat
Hi Cat
I'm glad that you can relate. :) Thanks for the kind words.
Hello Carrie
I think this is something everyone can relate to so many times and every now and then.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you as long as you're able to put your feelings into words. I am sure that writing will help get you out of all the bad feelings one day.
The line
"But my anger it grows", reads better if you drop "it"
but you know better what you want to say
Best wishes
Good one !
Hi Rula
Thanks for reading and your kind words. :)