I wandered as I wondered
And slipped, as it thundered
Picked myself up, then picked up my cup
Half full, but then I stumbled!
Got up again, in the pouring rain
Wandered, then fell again!
That day I deplore – a metaphor
For trials and tribulations
The ups and downs – life’s tricky situations
I wonder why I wander, alone – craving others
When all they do is drag me down
Thus, in pain, I am smothered
So, I wonder if I wandered
Along a different path
Would I meet the right people and laugh?
I wonder and I ponder
About this rock we’re on
Why we’re all in pieces
Grounded, in fear or fun
I wonder as I wandered
If I couldn’t wonder, anymore
Would I still be here and sip this beer
Whilst wandering as it’s poured.
Jun 26, 2023
I wander as I wonder
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem, "I wander as I wonder." Your poem has a clear theme of the ups and downs of life and the struggles of finding one's place in the world. The use of the metaphor of stumbling and falling is effective in conveying this theme.
One suggestion for improvement would be to work on the flow and structure of the poem. Some of the lines feel a bit disjointed and could benefit from restructuring or rephrasing. For example, the line "That day I deplore – a metaphor" could be rephrased to flow more smoothly with the rest of the poem.
Another suggestion would be to play with the use of imagery and sensory details to enhance the reader's experience. For instance, you could describe the pouring rain in more detail, or use imagery to describe the people who drag you down.
Overall, your poem has a strong theme and message, and with some refinement in structure and imagery, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact