I'm not sure how to begin
I haven't been into my feelings
For quite some time but then
I meet you crazy sexy appealing
In every way and by no means
Do I intend to let you slip away
You're like a dream that I deem
True. Serene, my brightest day,
My queen, my sweet escape
From the numbness, from the pain
The forced hate, the being afraid
To feel again. Truthfully, I'm amazed
At first, I wasn't sure how to begin
Nervous, this still being somewhat new
Yet I do have an idea how it will end
With the courage to say that I love you
May 11, 2014
I Love You
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Hi there!
line 7, change your to you're
line 15 you missed out the "d". It should be "end"
Other than that, it's a good piece.
Alid
' i the last
Thank you
Thank you for your time to read my poem and I greatly appreciate you spotting those errors. I'm a bit surprised that I missed that. Lol. Hope to read from you again.
jzarmel
A good write, I agree with the typo's Alid has found, look forward to an invite to the wedding lol,
Yours Ian.T
Thank you
Lol. Love your comment. I haven't thought about it, but that is something worth hoping for. When it comes to that, I'll be sure to send you an invite.
Thank you
Lol. Love your comment. I haven't thought about it, but that is something worth hoping for. When it comes to that, I'll be sure to send you an invite.
Lovely use of enjambment!
If anyone doubts the qualities of this as free verse let them read this, simply line breaks removed.
i'm not sure how to begin, i haven't been into my feelings for quite some time but then i meet you- crazy sexy appealing, in every way and by no means do i intend to let you slip away. you're like a dream that i deem true. serene, my brightest day, my queen, my sweet escape from the numbness, from the pain the forced hate, the being afraid to feel again. truthfully, i'm amazed at first, i wasn't sure how to begin nervous, this still being somewhat new yet i do have an idea how it will end with the courage to say that i love you
You see? It still fully retains its poetic qualities through use of internal and part rhymes and even a distinct though wandering meter. This is very good writing. By crikey you even get away with the title and last line, which would sink most poems. You have successfully traversed one of the deepest pitfalls in poetry. Love poetry.
Congratulations.
I've done a reading, hope you enjoy it.
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/i-love-you-by-jzarmel
Thank you
I really appreciate your time to read my poem and your comments. They are very motivating for me to continue on with my way of poetry. I try my best to learn from every comment I receive. Hope to hear from you again.